


My Wildest Dreams

by Andromytta, nealinor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, F/F, F/M, M/M, Masturbation, Older Castiel (Supernatural), Sex Toys, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Young Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:01:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21637792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromytta/pseuds/Andromytta, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nealinor/pseuds/nealinor
Summary: Dean has known Castiel for practically his whole life. For most of that time, Dean's been dreaming of the day when he'll be old enough for Cas to be his boyfriend. Finally the much awaited for birthday arrives but things do not go as Dean planned. Will he be able to convince Cas that he's old enough for him?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Meg Masters, Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer
Comments: 118
Kudos: 317





	1. A Big Change

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the first longfic that Andy and I have written in years! Hurray! Okay, it's not going to be that long, however, it will be just right for the story we want to tell. This is for all those readers that are longing for young Dean/ older Castiel. The tags will change as things get written. Be aware this will be an explicit fic down the line. Also, everyone will be of age when those things happen, so there will be no underage sex. This fic will post weekly on Sundays. 
> 
> I think that's all the business I have to take care of, so please enjoy! 
> 
> ~Neal
> 
> What Neal failed to mention is that this stemmed from an Older Dean/Younger Cas idea that she had, but because I'm the freak who prefers younger Dean, she conceded to my whim because she's awesome like that! 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as we are enjoying writing it!
> 
> ~Andy

John Winchester died by wrapping his car around a tree in the middle of the night in Oregon. He was drunk with a blood alcohol level way over the legal limit. It had been a rainy night and it happened fast; he lost control of the car and that was it. He died on impact. There was little the emergency crew could do but clean up the mess.

Bobby got the call at 3:30 AM. It woke him out of a sound sleep and he groped for his phone. “This better be good.” He groused into the phone.

“Do you know John Winchester?” The voice asked politely.

“Yes. What’s he done now?” He answered coming awake slowly.

“My name is Jane and I’m with the local hospital here. I’m sorry to have to inform you, but he’s died in a car accident. You were listed as his emergency contact in his wallet.”

“John’s dead?” Bobby’s brain came online with a rush of panic. “What about Sam and Dean?”

“I’m sorry?” The voice replied. “John Winchester was alone when he died. Did he have companions?”

Bobby scrambled to cover. “Sometimes. I’m glad to know they are alright.”

“Very well. We need someone to make arrangements for the body. Will you do this?”

“Yeah, I got it covered.” The woman on the line rattled off the name of the city they were in, the hospital and gave him some resources to take care of John with. Bobby scribbled it all down but was only listening with half an ear. The moment he hung up, he scrambled into action.

“Charlie!” He knocked on his daughter’s door, knowing she had school in the morning but this took precedence.

Charlie answered the door, her red hair mussed with sleep. “What time is it, Dad?”

“A little before 4. Sorry but this can’t wait.”

Charlie rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “What is it?”

“John’s gone and gotten himself killed.”

“Oh my god! What about Sam and Dean?” She flicked on the light of her room, blinding them both.

“They weren’t with him. Which means they are alone, stashed somewhere in Oregon.”

“We’ve got to find them!” She turned to the old laptop sitting on her desk next to the door. “I’m on it.”

Bobby breathed a sigh of relief. “I’ll go make some coffee.”

***

Dean was watching Sammy sleep in the dim light of a dingy motel room. He was waiting on his dad to come and get them. John had left the two last night and had promised to be home by morning and hadn’t shown. That wasn’t surprising. Dad’s drinking sometimes made him pass out and he slept it off in the car before coming back for the boys. He was late a lot for being passed out drunk. Dean had spent the last of the meager funds buying a single pizza for his and Sam’s dinner. Dean hoped his Dad came back before too long. 

He turned back to the TV, which was Scooby Doo reruns. Dad said that Dean was too old for cartoons, but Dean didn’t care. He was nine years old and when he got to go to school, the other kids his age watched cartoons still, so he figured that was okay. He chuckled softly at something funny on the screen. He just loved Shaggy and Scooby, they were comedic gold in his book.

Suddenly there was a sound in the room and Dean’s focus shifted to the door. It opened up and caught on the chain he’d used to lock it with. Dean grabbed up the nearest thing at hand, which was the Gideon bible that was in all hotel rooms. He inched towards the door, watching the crack in it, trying to see who was outside.

“Dad?” He called, knowing that if it was his Dad he had locked out then he would pay dearly for it.

A different voice answered. “Dean?”

That was Bobby! Dean dropped the bible and scrambled to open the chain. “Bobby?” He pried the door open and there were Charlie and Bobby, standing outside looking worried. “Why are you here?”

Bobby scooped Dean into his arms and hugged him tight. “You had me so worried. We were afraid that we’d never find where John had stashed you two.”

“We’re fine Bobby.” Dean said, squirming a bit in Bobby’s hold because it was tight. Besides, he was fine. Dean was always fine, no matter what happened. “Where’s Dad?”

Bobby let Dean go and glanced at Sam sleeping on the bed. “This is going… there’s no good way to say this. I’ll just say it. You’re Daddy’s dead. He wrecked his car.”

Dean took this in seriously. He knew what it meant to be dead, which mostly meant that his Dad wasn’t ever coming back to them, just like their mom. “What’s going to happen to me and Sammy?” He asked, blinking up at Bobby.

Charlie wrapped her soft arms around Dean and hugged him gently. “You are coming to live with us Dean.”

Dean nodded but didn’t squirm the way he had with Bobby, Charlie hugs were always nice because she smelled good. “That’s okay.” It was more than okay. “That’s good.”

Bobby smiled at the two of them. “We’re going to get Sam up and then we are getting out of here. That okay with you?”

Dean smiled thinly back at Bobby. “That’s fine with me.”

***

That first year with Bobby and Charlie flew by. It was the beginning of the school year when John died, but of course he hadn’t yet bothered to enroll Dean, because he claimed they wouldn’t be there very long. Once they were settled in Sioux Falls, Bobby’s first order of business was to enroll both boys in school. Dean could barely believe Sam was old enough for kindergarten.

It seemed like just as fast as school started, Charlie was graduating from high school. Summer was a blast, Charlie spending as much time with the boys as they could before she left for South Dakota Tech. The college had the best software engineering program in the state, and wasn’t but a couple of hours away. Of course, Charlie still had to live on campus.

As it got closer to Thanksgiving, Dean and Sam were getting excited because that’s when Charlie would be back home. They loved living with Bobby, he was a great dad, but they missed their sister dearly. Dean was just thinking how much he missed her when the ancient laptop Dean had helped Charlie set up in the living room chimed with a Skype alert. Dean quickly opened the program (as fast as the computer would let him anyway) and said brightly into the webcam, “Hey Charlie!”

“Hey Dean! Where’s Dad? I have something important to ask him.”

Dean’s face dropped minutely. “Oh. I wanted to talk to you about my project for school.”

She smiled at him. “We can talk about that in a little while. I just need to talk to Dad now.”

Dean smiled back. “Ok!” He practically ran through the house shouting. “Bobby! Come in here! Charlie needs to talk to you!”

“Geez, would ya calm down, Son, it ain’t like the house is on fire.” He was drying his hands on a dish towel, having just finished up the dishes from dinner. Usually it was Dean and Sam’s responsibility to do the dishes, but they’d both been working so hard in school and made Student of the Month in their respective classes that Bobby had given them the evening off. Bobby eased himself into the worn but comfy desk chair and smiled at his daughter’s face on the other side of the screen. “What do you want?” He groused, but his face betrayed his affection.

“Dad, I need to bring a friend home for Thanksgiving. His name is Castiel, and, well, he can’t go home. His parents are dicks.”

“You’re gonna have to give me more to go on than that.”

Charlie took a deep breath. “Cas came out of the closet and told his parents that he’s gay. They…they disowned him. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go. He shouldn’t be stuck on campus for the holiday!”

Bobby frowned. “No, he shouldn’t. He’s more than welcome here. You should know by now that any friend of yours is welcome in our home. His so called family doesn’t want him, well, we’ll take him. You know family don’t end in blood, right?”

Charlie smiled brightly at him. “Right! Thanks, Dad!”

***

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving saw Dean on tender hook waiting for Charlie. He was out of school and wanted to see his big sister. Sam was right by his side on and off through the day, however, he kept getting bored with Dean waiting by the front door.

Even Bobby was a little frustrated with him. “Boy, watching that door won’t make her come home faster.” He said.

Dean just shrugged. “I can’t wait to see her.”

“She’s gonna have that friend with her.” Bobby reminded him.

Dean just shrugged. He was sure that Charlie’s friend would be as awesome as Charlie was. Still, it was nearly two hours later when Charlie’s bright yellow car rolled up to the house beside the salvage yard.

Dean popped up from the couch where he’d been waiting. “She’s here! Bobby, Sam! Charlie’s home!” He bounded through the house, gathering up the rest of the family so they were all standing by the front door when it popped open.

“I’m home, Bitches!” Charlie announced as she came in the door, her arms opened wide.

Dean didn’t wait, he launched himself at her with a big grin. “Charlie!”

Sam was right at his side, wiggling with excitement. “Charlie! You’re back!” He shoved Dean aside and wrapped his arms around Charlie’s neck and she hauled him up off the floor.

Dean pouted a little because he was much too big for Charlie to carry but Sam was still small, so he got to be picked up.

“Sammy, I missed you!” She twirled Sam around in the hallway and set him down after he’d burst into giggles. She rounded on Dean next. “And there you are! Dean, you’ve grown so much in just a few months!” She swept him into her arms once more and kissed the top of his head. “How did the school project go?”

“I got an A.” Dean said, smiling proudly up at her. That’s when the person behind her caught his eye. Standing behind Charlie was a tall young man with dark hair and blue eyes. He was watching the scene before him with a wistful expression on his face. Dean nodded towards him. “Who’s your friend, Charlie?”

Charlie beamed. “Oh! Of course!” She stepped back towards the young man, then hooked her arm through his and practically dragged him into the house. “This is Castiel. He’s in most of my classes and is my best friend.” She glanced up at Castiel and nodded towards the others in the hall. “This is my Dad, Bobby.” She indicated where Bobby stood behind the boys.

Castiel shifted forward and offered his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Sir. Thank you for allowing me to come.”

Bobby took the hand and shook it firmly. “Course, you’re always welcome. And none of that Sir, stuff. It’s just Bobby, ya here?”

“Yes, thank you.” Castiel said, offering a shy smile.

Charlie took over introductions again. “These are my brothers. This little squirt is Sam, but we like to call him Sammy.”

Castiel shook his hand. “Hello, Sammy.”

Charlie grinned and went on. “And this handsome fella is Dean. He’s into the double digits now. He’ll be 11 at his next birthday.”

Accordingly, Dean tried to draw himself up straight so he would look more grown up. He accepted Castiel’s hand and gave it a firm shake, just like Bobby had taught him. “Hi C.. Castiel.” He didn’t mean to stumble over the name but he did. He blushed a little but Castiel didn’t seem to mind.

The young man shook his hand with a warm smile. “Hello, Dean.” He said.

Dean beamed as he watched Castiel straighten up. He couldn’t say why, but he already liked Charlie’s friend.

Charlie was also beaming by the door. “Now that’s out of the way, let’s help Castiel feel welcome.” She did this by dragging the young man into the house and soon they were all ensconced at the table for a game of Monopoly, which Sammy won, much to the surprise of everyone in the room.

***

Dinner was finished and Bobby was doing dishes. Charlie was upstairs putting Sam to bed. That left Dean in the living room which was shared by Charlie’s college friend, Castiel. Dean found him fascinating. He’d never met someone with eyes that blue before. Everything he had to say was so interesting but most of all, Dean found it fascinating that he liked only boys. He’d heard Charlie telling Bobby all about that the night before Castiel had arrived. Charlie had said that Castiel couldn’t go home because he liked boys and his family didn’t like that.

Dean had questions.

Castiel was sitting on the couch with a cup of hot tea. The TV wasn’t on and Dean found that a little boring but it meant that they could talk. So he sidled up to the couch and sat down next to him. He didn’t wait on it. He looked at the man next to him and let it rip. “Can I ask you a question?”

Castiel blinked those blue eyes at him and set the cup of tea on the coffee table. “Of course Dean.”

Given permission, Dean went ahead. “Charlie said you liked boys. You know, _like_ liked them. Like for dating?”

Castiel stiffened next to him but nodded. “That’s true.”

“Okay, cool.” Dean nodded his head and took a breath. He could feel nerves curling in his stomach but barreled through. “What if I liked both? You know, both boys and girls. Would that be okay?” He glanced nervously to the man next to him, trying to see the face he was making from the corner of his eye.

Castiel was smiling softly. “That’s called being bisexual. Of course it’s alright. You should be free to love whoever you want to.”

“Okay, only your family didn’t like it.” Dean pointed out. He glanced over his shoulder to glance to the kitchen where Bobby was still busy with the dishes. “What if my family doesn’t like it?”

Castiel took this very seriously, his eyes following Dean’s gaze. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Charlie likes only girls and that’s okay with your family.”

“I know she does. And that’s cool but it’s not both.” Dean winced and ducked his head. “You’re supposed to like one or the other, right? Not both.”

“I promise you, it’s okay to like both. There are plenty of people that do.” Castiel’s expression was hard to read, something pained and a little wistful. “With a family like yours, you won’t have any issue. They are going to love you no matter what. I can tell.”

Dean had a sense of what was making Castiel sad. “I’m sorry your family sucks. You deserve better.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel picked up his tea for a sip, looking away with a thoughtful look in his eye.

“You’re sure it’s okay to like both?” For some reason, what Castiel thought was important to him. He wanted the man to like him. He didn’t know why, but it felt important.

“I promise, it’s okay.” Castiel said, turning his soft smile back on Dean. “You are perfect as you are.”

Dean broke into a grin. “Thanks, Cas!” Then he remembered himself. “I mean Casti… Castiel.”

Castiel chuckled. “Cas is fine.”

“Cas then.” Dean nodded, cementing it in his head. “Promise me one thing?”

“Of course, what is it?”

“Don’t tell Charlie, okay? I want to tell her myself.” Dean shifted uncomfortably on the seat. It felt wrong for Charlie to hear this news second hand.

Castiel nodded seriously. “I promise. I won’t tell her.”

“Pinkie swear?” Dean held out his little finger.

Castiel didn’t hesitate to hook his little finger with Dean’s. “Pinkie swear.”

Dean grinned widely at the man. “Thanks, Cas.” He took his hand back and on impulse, he threw his arms around the young adult and gave him a hug. “You’re the best.” Dean let him go and headed towards the stairs, intent on his room and toys. As he left, he wondered what it was like to be in love and if this warm feeling was it. Castiel was something special, of that much, he was sure.

***

Later that night, as they settled down for the night, Castiel caught Charlie’s arm. The kids were both in bed now and Bobby had turned in an hour ago, claiming that he was old and needed his sleep. Castiel and Charlie had been watching a movie but now it was over. She was heading up to her old bedroom and Castiel was about to turn in on the couch.

Charlie looked up at him. “Is everything okay?”

Castiel nodded. “Everything is great. Your family is amazing, Charlie. I’m a little jealous.”

Charlie grinned. “Don’t be jealous. Just keep coming here. We’re your family now.”

“Do you really mean that?” Castiel’s heart hurt a little at the thought. He missed his family. He missed feeling accepted and loved. It hurt to think it could be ripped away from him again.

“Of course, I mean it. It’s why I brought you here.” Charlie’s face was full of honesty. “You are totally awesome and you deserve to be loved. We can do that.”

Castiel was floored by her admission. “Thank you, Charlie.” He knew it wasn’t enough but they were the only words he had.

“Think nothing of it.” Charlie said, reaching up to pat his cheek. She leaned back and started to turn away. “If that’s all then I’m going to bed.”

“Oh! One more thing.” He said, stopping her again.

“Yes?” She looked at him expectantly.

“Would you be extra careful with Dean? Make sure he knows that he’ll be loved and accepted, no matter what?” Castiel felt a little nervous saying it but he couldn’t get that conversation out of his head.

“Did he say something to you?” She looked suspicious.

Castiel nodded. “He did but he made me promise not to tell.”

Charlie frowned. “What could it be? He knows that we’ll love him whatever…”

Castiel hurried to answer her. “It’s nothing serious. It’s just… he’s worried about something but he wants to tell you himself. I know you’ll give him the best answer. I know it… I just… don’t want him to ever feel like I did.” The boy was too young to have to deal with that.

Charlie relaxed and smiled again. “You’re a good person, Castiel. I’ll make sure Dean knows. Don’t worry.”

“Okay.” Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t know why he was even worried. This was Charlie. She was the most accepting person he’d ever met.

“Well, if that’s it then goodnight.” She turned off to go up the stairs.

“Goodnight, Charlie.” Castiel clicked off the lamp and went to the fold out bed. Nothing in his life had gone the way he thought it would, but now he had a family again. That’s what mattered.


	2. Happy Birthday to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited about this fic, that I tried to post this chapter first thing when I got up this morning. AO3 ate the draft. Hopefully it'll post it now. Also, I added a couple of new tags but that was housekeeping, they aren't relevant for this chapter so don't get too excited. That's for later. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> ~ Neal

**_Eight years later_ **

Today was special. Dean was humming happily to himself as he turned to look in the mirror above his dresser in his bedroom. From downstairs he could smell the scent of cooking hamburgers as it rose up the stairs. Life had changed a lot over the years but all in good ways. Six years ago, Bobby got fed up with Charlie and the boys teasing him over the crush he had on Ellen, who owned The Roadhouse in town. He’d done something about it and had asked her out. Two years after that, Bobby had married her and she and her daughter Jo had come to live with them. Bobby’s house had been overfull then, but with their combined incomes, they’d been able to add onto the house, which gave them enough room for Jo to have her own bedroom, instead of sharing the one that Charlie used part of the time.

Another good thing that had happened over the years was that Castiel had become a regular fixture in their lives after that first Thanksgiving. He’d been back for Christmas and then every major holiday after that. He bought them gifts and even made the trips with Charlie to come to their birthday parties every year. That last bit was important because today was Dean’s birthday and they were having a party for him at the house. A party that Castiel would attend. These days it was much easier for him to come because he and Charlie had started their own computer security business and had moved back to Sioux Falls after they had finished with their master’s degrees. Cas came over with Charlie often but then, he and Charlie shared an apartment for the time being. Dean had been over there many times playing D&D with the two of them and some of their friends. Dean was always thrilled to be invited but ever conscious of being the youngest one on the room.

That was all going to change today, though. Today Dean was turning 18. Legally, he would be an adult and that was going to set his plan into motion. The plan was something that had been in his head for a very long time. It had started when Dean had been 10 and he’d realized that Cas was special. It had grown over time, particularly after Dean had gone through puberty and realized that he wanted to kiss Cas. Wanting to kiss Cas soon evolved into wanting more and more from Cas. Now the plan was fully formed. He was 18 today and an adult so he would tell Cas that he wanted him as more than a friend. More than that, Dean had been saving himself for Cas in a way. He’d come out as bisexual to Charlie when he was 13 and everything had been fine. By the time Dean was 16, both Bobby and Sam knew about it too. But see, Dean had only ever dated girls. He was saving his first boyfriend, his first kiss with a boy and his first time having sex for Cas. All of that was going to be for him and he was going to tell him tonight.

Dean was understandably nervous. He’d been waiting for this day for so long and now that it was here, he could hardly believe it. He took his time getting ready. He’d showered and shaved before the party, being sure to leave just the right amount of stubble to make himself appear older. (Or at least he thought it made him look older, even though it wasn’t a lot. So sue him, his beard didn’t want to come in quite yet.) He hoped that Cas appreciated it. He’d taken forever to gel and style his hair so that it was perfect. It was still pretty blonde, even though summer was months away, however he knew it looked good. He knew that based on how many kids at school threw themselves at him. (Dean took none of them up on their offers, though. His birthday was too close and he wasn’t a cheater. He wanted to be free for Cas.)

He'd also taken pains with his clothes for the day too. He’d picked his jeans because they were his tightest pair. Not tight enough to be obscene but enough to show off his assets. He wanted Cas to notice his firm, round 18 year old ass. He wanted Cas to want it. He’d picked a plain black t-shirt and then had hemmed and hawed over the right flannel to go over it, until he settled on a burgundy and black one. He’d been told by Ellen that it was a good color for him. He finished the look with his favorite pair of boots and then stood in front of the mirror admiring the results. He was sure Cas would look at him and find him irresistible. He’d see that he wasn’t a child any longer and would want him too.

The door to his left flew open and Sam poked his head in. Immediately the 13 year old rolled his eyes. “Jeez, Dean. What are you primping for? It’s a family party. There’s not going to be anyone for you to flirt with.”

Dean reached over and pushed Sam’s shoulder, trying to shove him out of the room. Sam caught the dresser and wouldn’t be budged. “I just want to look my best. What’s wrong with that?”

Sam laughed as he struggled against Dean’s shove. “Nothing I guess. It must be an 18 thing.”

Dean snorted and stopped pushing his brother. “Whatever. Did Ellen send you up?”

“Yeah, lunch is almost done. Also, Cas and Charlie are here.”

Dean threw his brother a glare. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He pushed past Sam and headed down the stairs. Sure enough, Cas and Charlie were waiting in the living room, talking to Bobby. They both looked up when they heard him on the stairs. Dean felt himself color when those blue eyes landed on him but he kept approaching them. “Hey guys! Thanks for coming.”

Charlie pulled him into her arms and hugged him as always, even though she had to reach up to do that these days. Dean was almost as tall as Cas now. “Happy birthday, Dean!” She kissed his cheek before she let him go.

“Heya Cas.” Dean said next, coming to the older man for his birthday greeting.

Cas didn’t hug him, but he didn’t do that as much since Dean had gotten older. “Hello, Dean. Happy birthday.” He patted Dean on the shoulder, which was the most that he’d come to expect from Cas. Even this was a little awkward, but that was pure Cas and Dean loved it.

“Thanks!” He responded, then licked his lips, looking around the room. There were too many people here for him to ask to talk to Cas alone. People would ask questions about that. He didn’t want them to know yet. He was sure that when he and Cas were together that their family would support them. He knew that, but getting together, well that was for him and Cas. So, he would wait a little while. He licked his lips, intending to ask how business was, when Jo burst in from the kitchen.

At 11, the little blonde was a sarcastic master but still quite loving. She scurried across the room and wrapped her arms around Dean’s waist. “Birthday Boy!” She sing-songed as she hugged him from behind. “You’re just in time! Mom says it’s time to come eat!”

Dean glanced at Cas, who was watching the scene with a bemused smile. Their eyes met and Cas’s smile spread into something warm. Dean felt his heart speed up a little but at least he didn’t blush. He turned to Jo and tweaked her ponytail. “Lead the way, Squirt.”

Jo punched him in the side, none to gently. “I’m not a squirt!” She announced and ran back to the kitchen. The rest of the room laughed as they filed out. Dean tried to fall back so he was walking next to Cas, however, Charlie caught him around the waist so he walked with her. When they came to the table, Cas sat next to Charlie and Charlie sat next to Dean. Dean was disappointed but not for too long. There were burgers to eat now. He would have time to talk to Cas later.

***

Cas trailed behind Charlie and Dean. He couldn’t help but notice how well Dean was growing up. He was proving to be smart and sarcastic and always a welcome addition to their game nights. The boy had settled in with their group of friends and seemed to be just as mature as some of them (especially Ash). At first Castiel had been nervous about including him because he was so young, but now he was okay with it. Dean was growing up and he knew that he had to let him. It was up to him and Charlie to make sure that he grew into a wonderful young adult. 

Of course, there were other things about Dean that he noticed and some of those things weren’t quite as welcome. He couldn’t help but notice how Dean looked in those jeans, they were just tight enough without being too tight and Dean filled them out admirably. Frankly he was exactly the type Castiel was attracted to… not his age exactly but his build. Also, he had to admit that Dean was pretty with lips that were pink and plush; they begged to be kissed or wrapped around… He immediately pushed those thoughts out of his head. Dean was Charlie’s little brother, and Charlie and her father had been nothing but welcoming to Cas. He was loath to lose another family.

Besides, he tried to convince himself, he obviously wasn’t actually attracted to Dean. He could remember when Dean was a little boy, unwrapping toys under the Christmas tree. It didn’t matter that now he was unwrapping a new cell phone – a gift he and Charlie had saved for forever to get for him. Cas was just in the market for a rebound after his recent break up. Never in a million years would he risk putting Dean in that position. Castiel knew all the different ways Charlie could fuck his life up if he hurt her little brother. Further, he’d never forgive himself if he hurt the young man.

As he sat next to Charlie, Cas decided then and there to put all those thoughts out of his mind. He would just be a good friend, and maybe a brotherly figure to Dean, and that was all.

***

All through lunch, then dessert and then presents, Dean kept his eyes on Cas. The man was watching the same way that the rest of his family was, however, Dean couldn’t help feeling a little something extra when he felt the blue eyes on him. Cas was so just hot. He really couldn’t help himself. He’d been dreaming of having Cas all to himself from the moment he’d first discovered masturbation. He quickly pushed those thoughts away because he absolutely shouldn’t be thinking about masturbation while at the dinner table with his family.

Soon he was sitting at the table with a stack of unwrapped presents and an empty plate that had held birthday pie. (No cake for Dean.) It had been apple with vanilla ice cream and he had a second helping before everyone had finished their first. Dean had only laughed when they teased him about it, because he was a growing boy and needed his calories. (He’d especially need them if things went the way he’d been dreaming they would.) When it became clear that the party was dwindling, his guests got up to do other things. Bobby took Charlie aside to have her help with a problem he’d been having with the computer. Ellen followed along after them. Jo went upstairs to play in her room. Sam said he had some homework that he hadn’t completed. Suddenly it was just Dean and Cas in the kitchen.

 _Well, now’s the time._ Dean told himself as the butterflies in his stomach took off. Next to him, Cas started to get up.

“Maybe I’ll see if Charlie can use some help.” Cas was saying as he pushed back from the table.

“Wait!” Dean said loudly, then winced and looked around. No one came though, so he went on in a rush. “Charlie’s got it. She can handle Bobby’s computer problems. I wanted to talk to you.” He left the alone part unsaid.

“What about, Dean?” Cas settled in his chair, turning those blue eyes on Dean. There was nothing but curiosity in them.

“It’s about… you… and me. Um… it’s about us.” Dean was having trouble organizing his thoughts as he looked at Cas, particularly when Cas gave him the confused head tilt and squint thing that he did so often. Dean felt a kick of adrenaline in the face of it and went on in a hurry. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about this for a long time but seeing as I’m 18 now, I think the time is right.”

Cas’s brows furrowed. “What would you need to be 18 to talk to me about?” There was something wary growing on his face.

“It’s about… stuff.” Dean said, then promptly groaned. “I’m sorry. I’m not doing well at this. I’m just nervous, okay? I’ll get it out.”

Cas was still frowning at him. “I hope you know you can talk to me. We’re practically brothers.”

That thought had Dean’s stomach sinking. “Brothers? No man, we’re not. I mean. We’re family but I don’t think about you as a brother. It’s something else. Something different than that.”

Cas sighed, still scowling. “Okay…?”

“Look… I like you.” Dean said, and of course, now was the moment when his cheeks set on fire. He could feel the blush flooding down his neck. “Like… you know… like boyfriends.”

“Dean…” Cas looked completely stunned, as if he’d never dreamed of hearing Dean say this.

“Let me finish!” Dean yelped quickly before hurrying on. “I have for a long time now. For years. I… I’ve been saving myself for you. You know… like I’m a virgin. I wanted my first time to be with you, okay? It’s all for you.” It wasn’t the most elegant of ways to express that but he’d got it out. He looked at Cas expectantly, all the hopes in his heart were crowding his throat as he waited for Cas to answer.

If anything, Cas’s eyes had gotten even wider as he all but stared at Dean. The silence in the room stretched until it became uncomfortable. Until Dean felt like it was going to break.

“Please, man, just say something.” He demanded, feeling his stomach sinking the longer Cas didn’t say anything.

“Dean… I don’t know what to say.” Cas blinked finally, then looked at his hands. “I’m not good at this kind of thing.” He sighed before bringing his eyes back up, they were fond and kind, but not hot with want or acceptance. “I’m very flattered but you have to know that I don’t think of you that way. I’ve known you since you were a child.”

“Well, I’m not a child anymore. I’m an adult now.” Dean shot back, a note of pleading entering into his voice.

“Barely. You’ve been 18 for mere hours, Dean.” Cas shifted uncomfortably in the chair. “But it doesn’t change anything. I’ve watched you grow up. I can’t think of you as anything more than that. I’m sorry, Dean. I can’t be what you need me to be.”

Dean could feel pricks of moisture in the corners of his eyes but he held them back. He’d dreamed of this for so damn long. “Cas… please. It’s always been you. It has to be you.”

“It can’t be me.” Cas said firmly. His voice was still kind but it was also careful now too. As if Dean were fragile and prone to break. “You deserve someone your own age. Someone who will grow and change with you. You want your first time to be special. Something you discover with that person. I’ll never be able to give you that.”

“But you could. If it’s you, I know it’ll be special. It’s what I’ve wanted practically my whole life.” Dean had no pride left to swallow. He was pleading now as his dreams circled the toilet.

Cas patted his shoulder awkwardly, sensing his upset and trying to comfort him even as he tore Dean apart. “This is just a crush. I’m sure I seem amazing because I’m so much older but I promise you Dean, I’m not. I’m an awkward man who can barely make it through a conversation without your sister helping me through it.”

“I know all of that!” Dean shot back, feeling the tears in his eyes grow even as he fought them off. “It’s not a crush! I know my own mind. It’s you I want. I want that awkward man to touch me. To make me special.”

Cas shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “It can’t be me. You deserve better.” He pushed back from the table and stood up. He looked at Dean for a long moment, as if trying to decide what to do. He reached for Dean again, but then seemed to think better of it and crossed his arms again. “I think I’ll wait for Charlie on the porch. I’m sorry Dean.” With that he turned and left.

Dean laid his head into his hands, hiding his face as the tears that had been threatening finally spilled over his lashes. How had this gone so wrong? Of course, it would go a lot worse if someone caught him crying in the kitchen so he brushed the tears from his face with his sleeve and grabbed up his presents and took the back stairs from the kitchen to his bedroom. Once inside his room, he dropped everything onto his dresser and fell face first on the bed. With no one to see, he let himself go. Curling onto his side, with his arms around his pillow, Dean let his heart fall to pieces and he cried.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We earn the explicit rating today. No, it's not what you've been waiting for. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~Neal

Dean spent the next week in a haze; still reeling from his conversation with Castiel. Before he knew it, Saturday rolled around, and it was family dinner night. Charlie and Cas always came to the house for family dinner, and Dean didn’t know if he was ready to face Cas again so soon after his birthday confession. When Charlie showed up without her best friend though, Dean felt it keenly like a slap in the face.

“No Cas tonight?” Ellen asked as Charlie and Dean helped her set the table.

Charlie shook her head, her fiery curls bouncing. “No, his sister Skyped just as we were getting ready to leave. Since she can only talk to him when she’s at her friend’s house, he didn’t want to miss her.”

Ellen nodded. “I understand. Well, I’ll make up a plate for him and you make sure he eats it, ok?”

“Yes ma’am.”

The conversation drifted around him, and Dean drifted with it, only speaking when someone directed a statement at him. At least, until Castiel’s name popped back up in conversation. Ellen was talking to Charlie.

“Why don’t you and Cas come by the Roadhouse later tonight? It’s singles night. And no, I won’t be there. I know how weird it would be for you to try to pick up girls with your step mom there. But you kids have been working hard. You deserve a night out.”

Charlie nodded. “I’ll talk to Cas about it when I get home. He’s usually in a pretty good mood after talking to Claire, so he might be up for a night on the town.”

Dean stared down at his plate, trying to keep the devious smile from crossing his lips. Cas thought Dean was too young for him? Well, he’d show him. Singles night at the Roadhouse meant that most everyone there would be looking for a hook up. Dean was 18 now, there was nothing to stop him from looking for one of his own.

Once dinner and dessert were finished and Ellen sent Charlie on her way with way too much extra food for just her and Cas, Dean darted up to his room. Since he’d helped with dinner that night, clean up was Sam and Jo’s responsibility. He raided his closet until he found what he thought would be the perfect outfit. First, the jeans from last year that Ellen begged him to toss out. They were just this side of too tight, with strategically placed rips to give off several hints of skin, including one under his back left pocket. He paired that with a tank style ribbed undershirt. He tied a forest green flannel around his waist to hide the rips from his family, in case anyone was still downstairs when he left. Dean finished the look with one of the only things John bothered to leave him with, his leather jacket. It was still big on Dean, but he thought he looked good in it. The other thing John left him was his beloved Chevy Impala, and thankfully Bobby helped him restore it when he turned 16, so he didn’t have to ask anyone for a ride.

When he finally made it downstairs, the only people still about were Sam and Jo. Dean was relieved he wouldn’t have to tell his parents where he was going. He didn’t like the idea of lying to them. Instead, he just shouted into the kitchen, “Hey, squirts! I’m going out with some friends. Be back later!”

“Curfew is midnight, Dean!” Jo reminded him snidely.

“I know, I know.”

***

As soon as Charlie arrived back at the tiny apartment she shared with Cas, instead of greeting her, he looked at her wide eyed and said, “We might have to get a bigger apartment.”

“Hello to you, too. Why, exactly do we need a bigger apartment?”

“Claire decided to inform me that she has a boyfriend _and_ a girlfriend. My 16 year old baby sister is in a polyamorous queer relationship. Our parents are going to kick her out before she finishes high school.” He dropped his head in his hands and groaned. Charlie laughed…actually cackled. “What the fuck is so funny about this?”

“I knew that girl wasn’t straight. Krissy is the girlfriend, right?”

“Yes. Shut up. This isn’t funny. If my parents find out…”

“They’re not going to find out. Claire isn’t an idiot.” Charlie tucked the leftovers into the fridge. The food barely fit. “You know what you need? You need a night out. Ellen told me it’s singles night at the Roadhouse, and she’s not working. I actually think she and Dad are having a date night.” She chuckled. “Old people are so cute.”

Cas looked up at her, stricken, then nodded. “You know, I really could use a drink.”

***

When Charlie and Cas finally got to the Roadhouse, they made a beeline for the bar. It wasn’t long before Charlie was chatting up some co-ed in a sorority sweater, leaving Cas alone with his beer. He downed his first one in short order, then got another one before turning around and leaning his back against the bar to take in the room. It was a good atmosphere. He could tell Ash was DJ’ing because the mix of music was at the same time eclectic, popular, and danceable. The patrons’ ages appeared to range from barely legal to drink college students to young professionals like he and Charlie. Of course, it wasn’t long before his eyes landed on a very familiar ass leaning over the pool table. One that definitely was _not_ old enough to drink.

Cas paused with his beer halfway to his lips, for a moment wondering what in the world Dean was doing there when he remembered that the boy had just turned 18 and he was allowed to be there. So, he didn’t march over there and give him grief. Instead he took another swig from his beer and went back to looking over the pickings for himself. That rebound wasn’t going to come on its own. He wasn’t there to worry about Dean, he was there because he needed a drink and maybe a little fun now that he was a single man again. There was nothing wrong with that.

Unfortunately, his eyes kept wandering back to Dean. Dean who was in jeans even tighter than what he wore for his birthday dinner and with a rip near the backside that was practically obscene. He now knew that Dean was not wearing boxer shorts, they would have been seen from where the rip was located. That gave him pause, however, he shook it off. It was no business of his if the boy was going commando under his pants. Shame on him for thinking of Dean’s underwear in the first place.

He quickly finished his beer and signaled for another one. No sooner than it was in his hand that he finally saw who Dean was playing pool with. The other man was tall and dark haired, a little muscly and definitely at least a decade older than Dean if not more. What’s more, Dean had stopped at the table and was speaking to the man, then the man nodded and moved in behind Dean. The two men leaned over the table to line up a shot; the older man was clearly ‘teaching’ Dean how to do it. Cas knew this was absolute bullshit. He’d seen Dean play before and knew the boy was good. Probably better than the guy who was now crowding Dean against the table, his pelvis against Dean’s shapely ass.

For a moment, Cas saw red. This guy was way too old to be coming onto someone as young as Dean. It was practically criminal. He slammed his beer down on the counter and marched across the barroom to the pool table, fully intending to do something about this.

By the time he got there, the older man had stepped away from Dean and was lining up his own shot. Cas had a clear line to get to Dean. He did so by grabbing the boy by the collar of his leather coat and dragging him back from the table. “Dean, what are you doing?” He hissed.

Dean blinked at him, his green eyes all sparkling beguile. “Playing pool with Arthur here.”

“Excuse me, we were having a game.” The other man, presumably Arthur, said with a polished British accent.

“Do you have any idea how old he is?” Cas turned his eyes on Arthur, raining down indignant fire on the other man.

The other man snorted dismissively. “He had to be legal to get in here.” He pointed out.

“Yeah, Cas.” Dean said, moving back towards the table. “I’m old enough to come here to make new friends.”

“Friends?” Cas turned his angry stare to Dean. “This man is not interested in being your ‘friend’.” He used air quotes somewhat furiously.

Dean crossed his arms and smirked up at Cas. “Maybe I’m interested in being his ‘friend’.” Dean seemed to be mocking the air quotes.

The older man swung his arm around Dean’s shoulders in a move that was both casual and possessive. “I think the boy’s made his intentions perfectly clear. Now, perhaps you’d like to give us a bit of privacy?” There was something almost, but not quite sinister underneath the man’s polite British exterior.

“I don’t think so,” Cas said before wrapping his fingers around Dean’s forearm and dragging him from the bar. He pulled Dean out through the door and across the parking lot before pinning him against the side of the Impala, still so angry at what was going on that it was hard to see straight. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to be doing…whatever it is, exactly, that you’re doing?”

“You’re drunk.” Dean said dismissively, which only served to raise Cas’s ire. “You have no right to tell me what to do or who I can be friends with.” He shoved Cas’s shoulder, trying to get out of the cage the man’s arms kept him in. It was clear that he was angry at Cas, but honestly, Cas couldn’t find it in him to care. Dean was too young to be carrying on this way

“Go home, Dean.” Cas said as he reached over to open the car door and manhandled Dean inside.

Dean looked directly at Cas, licking his lips until they were shiny and said, with hope in his eyes, “Come home with me.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Cas glared at him, slammed the car door, and walked back to the bar where he stood and watched Dean start the car and drive away.

Once he was back inside the bar, Cas searched frantically for Charlie. He didn’t want to get Dean in trouble with his family, but somebody needed to talk to the boy about the dangerous game he was playing. He found Charlie in a secluded corner with the sorority girl she had picked up at the bar. He cleared his throat and Charlie looked up at him.

“Whoa, dude, heavy mood. What the hell?”

“We need to have a talk about your brother.”

Charlie shook her head. “No, we really don’t. He’s kinda the last thing I want to discuss right now, if you know what I mean.” She dismissed Cas by turning back to her companion.

Cas slumped onto the barstool and ordered another beer. If Charlie wouldn’t listen to him, then he would just have to watch Dean himself.

***

Dean drove home feeling odd. It was true that he was frustrated by not getting to have sex with that British guy, but in a way, Cas was right. The dude had been a little creepy. That, however, had been very useful in terms of what Dean had gone there to see: whether or not Cas would give a fuck if he went home with some guy. The answer was a resounding yes.

So while being cockblocked wasn’t great, the evening was still a success. (Besides, Dean still wasn’t sold on giving up his carefully cultivated virginity to just anyone.) He still wanted Cas. Even if Cas had turned him down and told him he wouldn’t be Dean’s first, Dean still wanted him. Now he knew that Cas would prevent him from being with someone else. That had to mean something, right? Maybe it meant that Cas wanted Dean for himself but was conflicted about the age thing. Dean could work with that. Not the age thing, but maybe he could overcome the conflict by proving to Cas how much the older man really wanted Dean.

By the time he pulled into the driveway of the salvage yard, he had a plan. He would find out when and where Cas and Charlie were going out to bars, then he would turn up looking for tail. Cas would interrupt again. Surely Cas would notice the pattern over time. He’d come to see that the reason he objected was because he wanted Dean for himself. It was sure to work. What could go wrong?

With that in mind, Dean parked his car and headed upstairs. It was only ten o’clock but that was late enough that both Sam and Jo were in bed. It was clear that Ellen and Bobby were still out on their date so Dean had a little privacy. Perfect. He ran upstairs and shut himself into his room, though he took care not to make too much noise in the hall. It wouldn’t do to wake up either Sam or Jo. He’d been cock-blocked enough tonight.

Once safely ensconced in his room, Dean shed the jacket and hung it on the peg. Then he tossed the flannel into his laundry basket before he kicked off his boots. He went to his bedside table and opened the drawer, pulling out a bottle of lube and a dildo which he bought secretly on the internet last year after his birthday. At the time, he figured he should start practicing to take Cas’s cock. With the night (now considered a triumph because he was sure he’d made Cas jealous) fresh in his mind, the best way to celebrate was to continue the practice. He shoved off his jeans in a hurry, then peeled off his shirt. He'd gone commando to the bar (his underwear would have shown through the rip in his jeans) so he was entirely naked as he climbed into bed.

It didn’t take much to bring him to full mast. Just thinking about the anger that he’d seen in Cas’s eyes was enough. It had been like gazing into blue fire; he’d felt it all the way to his toes when Cas had looked at him. He wrapped his hand around his cock and gave it two quick strokes, moaning out Cas’s name as he did. Damn that felt good. Dean did it again, for a moment imagining it was Cas’s hand around him. He took a minute to imagine what it would have been like if it had been Cas at the pool table. What if Cas had come around behind him and leaned over him to show him how to shoot? He imagined Cas’s hips pressed up behind him. He imagined settling his ass against Cas’s cock, then imagined feeling that cock harden and press into him. He groaned again, stroking himself until precum leaked and rolled down his dick.

He made himself stop with effort. That was too good. He was going to come too quickly. Instead he reached for the lube and rolled onto his back. He slicked up his fingers and began to circle his hole with them, imagining that they were Cas’s fingers and it was Cas that was pressing into him. The first finger felt thick as it pushed past his rim but he didn’t let that stop him. No, he was too eager for the main event to stop himself now. He worked that one digit in and out of himself, feeling the muscles loosen up quickly until he was ready to take two. With two he reached farther in, zeroing in on his prostate and nudging against it until he couldn’t help the breathless moan that leaked from his lips. He wanted to do it again, but it was still too soon. He wasn’t ready for Cas’s cock yet. Instead he added another finger and kept stretching himself. He worked and worked at it until his hole was ready and he was fucking back onto his own fingers helplessly. Now he was ready.

He grabbed the dildo and smeared it with lube, then hastily put it to his hole. “Cas.” He breathed then pressed inwards, feeling the head push into him. He waited a moment, then slowly pushed forward. When he imagined Cas taking him, Dean knew he would take his time. He’d press into Dean slowly until his hips were pressed flush with Dean. He’d push Dean’s legs back and lean over him to find his lips then he would kiss Dean passionately, his tongue begging entrance to his mouth. Of course Dean would open up and take him in, just as he let Cas’s cock in. Only when Dean was ready would Cas move and even then it would be slow. He’d warm Dean’s body up to it and so that’s what Dean did, creating a slow drag in and out of him, using the dildo to brush past his prostrate. It sent electricity down his spine and curled his toes. He knew that when Cas did this, it would be so much better.

Just thinking that made Dean speed up. He plunged the dildo in and out of his body, fucking himself in earnest now; his body straining for it, his hips meeting the upward stroke, then riding it down again. He’d show Cas how good he was. He’d be perfect at taking his cock and he knew Cas would be pleased. He imagined those eyes; so blue and filled with sweet praise at how well Dean could take him. Then Cas would kiss him again and fuck him harder with each breath, truly seeing how well Dean could take him. Dean didn’t hold himself back, he sped up again, this time reaching for his cock and pulling it in time with the strokes of his toy. It had taken Dean awhile to work out the coordination of this but now he did it like a champ. It was for Cas. All of this was for Cas.

He imagined Cas kissing him again, the feel of his tongue, the softness of his lips and he pushed the toy in with a purpose now, striking his prostate again and again so that white stars pulsed before his eyes. He stroked his dick, twisting on the upwards stroke and then he was coming, spraying white to coat his belly. He flopped onto the bed and pulled the dildo out before dropping it on the comforter next to him. He should clean up, he knew he was a mess and Bobby and Ellen would be home soon; they might ask him what he was doing in the bathroom so long. But for now he had the run of the house and so he allowed himself to catch his breath and cool down, his body tingling with the memory of his fantasy. He continued it, imagining Cas crawling into bed behind him and rolling his body around Dean’s, making Dean the little spoon. It was perfect.

Dean let those thoughts linger until the come on his belly grew cold. Finally, he forced himself up and to the bathroom, thoughts of Cas lingering in the back of his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to take so long to post this today. I couldn't seem to get myself together. Anyways, here it is. I hope you enjoy it!  
> ~Neal

A few weeks had passed, and through various means of casual conversation, eavesdropping, and other methods, Dean figured out that Charlie and Cas spent their time between the Roadhouse and a new gay bar that had just opened up between home and the college, and a biker bar that was clearly Charlie’s idea.

The Roadhouse couldn’t hold their interest due to the ever present mother figure of Ellen, and that one sorority girl who decided Charlie was her new best friend (and nothing more) encouraging the pair to find other places to hang out.

“So where are you guys going tonight?” Dean asked as he and Charlie were doing the dishes after family dinner.

“Probably the Rainbow Room. There’s this bartender there who is smoking hot. She’s so hot, she’s probably a demon.” Charlie laughed at her own joke. Dean just looked at her confused. Charlie rolled her eyes. “Because hell is hot and demons are from hell. Jesus, Dean, keep up. Oh, and this is where you ask me about her.”

Dean chuckled. “Oh, ok. So, tell me about her.”

Charlie sighed and got a dreamy look on her face. “Her name is Meg. She’s got long, dark hair, whiskey brown eyes, and a body that won’t quit. Oh, and her sass, well, it would put the Harvelle women to shame!”

“She sounds like a winner!” Dean said with a wink, then grabbed the last plate from Charlie and set to drying it. He’d been teasing Bobby and Ellen about needing a dishwasher forever however they just told him that doing it the old-fashioned way “built character”. It sounded like bullshit to Dean. He glanced at Charlie and cleared his throat before asking his next question. “So does Cas pick up guys there?” He wanted to know and he didn’t; it killed him to think of Cas with someone else.

Charlie looked at him suspiciously for a moment. “Are you looking for places to pick up guys, brother mine?”

Thank God Charlie didn’t pick up the real reason. “Yeah.” He agreed amicably. “Does he?”

“Not lately.” Charlie just shrugged before letting water out of the sink. “I think he’s still getting over the last asshole he dated.”

“Oh.” Dean’s heart thudded and he was glad that Cas hadn’t been with someone since Dean had made his overture. Then he remembered his lie. “But is it a good place to pick up guys?”

Charlie nodded. “Yep. I mean, I don’t know specifically because they don’t do it for me, but there are a lot of them there. Some are probably close to your age. I could see if Cas was okay with letting you come along.”

Dean shook his head. That wouldn’t do for what he had planned. He wanted to go but he was hoping that Charlie would be lost in her flirting and wouldn’t see what he was doing. It’s not that he was ashamed or anything, he just didn’t want to explain. “Nah. I might show up on my own but I don’t need chaperones.”

“I got ya, Deanaroonie!” She grabbed him and pulled him into a headlock, then gave him a noogie to add insult to injury. He struggled and she let him go. “Alright, I’m going to get out of there. If you go, make good choices!”

Dean nodded and then watched as Charlie walked out of the room. He headed up the back stairs to his room because he had an outfit to plan.

***

Two hours later and having tossed his room and his closet, Dean had an outfit that he thought would work. He’d dug to the depths of his closet and had found some really choice items, some of which he would never be caught dead in normally but he wanted to make a point. The first was a pair of faux leather hot pants. He’d gotten them from a thrift store on a dare and had worn them to the homecoming dance. (He’d received a goodly number of ass grabs and was fully ready to experience that again tonight.) Next, he’d found a mesh tank top that was stuck in the back of one of his drawers. He had no idea why he had it but it was just a tad too small and if he stretched up, it exposed his midriff. He was going to go into this club with the full knowledge that he was a twink and would have most of his body on display. He knew he was about to see the dark side of flirting but he was ready. It was for Cas and Cas was worth it.

He tucked the chosen outfit into his backpack and set it to the side of his bed to wait. He wasn’t planning on asking permission for this escapade. He was going to sneak out of his bedroom with the goal of getting to the bar around 11. He figured Cas and Charlie would be there by then and Charlie would have enough time to have started flirting with her bartender. That would leave Cas alone. All he would have to do was be somewhere that Cas would notice him. Hopefully he’d get a repeat performance of what had happened at The Roadhouse and Cas would force him from the bar in a fit of (hopefully) jealousy.

***

Cas and Charlie had been at the bar for about an hour or so. Charlie had Meg so distracted that she’d brought him the wrong beer twice and was neglecting basically all the other patrons. The other bartender on duty finally made her take a break, so currently Cas had no idea where Charlie even was.

He turned around and leaned with his back against the bar, surveying the pickings. He sighed. No one was catching his attention. Unfortunately, he’d been unable to get the confrontation with Dean out of his head. It didn’t help that Dean was exactly Cas’s type. He didn’t really expect to be into twinks, but here he was thinking about his best friend’s kid brother. That was enough to bring that line of thought to a screeching halt.

He sighed and ordered another beer from the leather clad woman currently behind the bar. Her close cropped salt and pepper hair reflected the red bar light as she leaned over and whispered to him conspiratorially, “Hey, what do you think is going on over there?” She inclined her head towards the corner of the dance floor where a gaggle of men were surrounding something….no, someone.

Cas turned back around and stood on his tiptoes to get a good look. His jaw clenched when he realized it wasn’t just “someone.” It was Dean Winchester, and he was dressed like…well, like someone begging to be fucked. He felt his head turn hot at the site of all that skin. There was so much of it on display from Dean’s legs to a tantalizing glimpse of midriff when he raised his arms even a little bit. Cas stomped over to where the men were gathered and pushed his way through to the center. It took a lot of work because there were at least six guys standing around Dean and some of them were even older than Cas was. He was trying very hard to be disgusted at the men who were crowding around a young boy but in all honesty, Dean didn’t look young. He looked delicious. Ripe for the picking. He looked like someone Cas would like to take home and pound into the mattress. Once again, he was horrified at what he was thinking and he funneled all that disgust into being indignant at the situation.

“Dean! What the hell are you doing here? And dressed like _that_?”

Dean tilted his beer (how did he even get served?) towards Cas in a salute and finger waved. “Hiya, Cas.” He then addressed his admirers. “Guys, this is Cas. Cas, these are the guys. Guys, Cas doesn’t want to fuck me. Can you believe that?”

There was a collective head shake and mumbled “no” from the crowd. Someone even piped up with “I’ll fuck you!” but Cas didn’t see which one of them did it. Dean smirked at Cas. “See, Cas, if you don’t want me, there are plenty of guys who do.”

Cas was livid. His need to protect Dean from these men…and from himself…was making him see red. He snarled (though he’d never admit it) and grabbed Dean by his forearm, once again dragging him out of a bar. This time was much harder because while Dean didn’t resist, the rest of the men around him did.

“Hey! Let him stay.” One man called out and made a move to push at Cas’s chest. Cas whipped around so fast that his neck hurt and he pinned the man with a furious stare. The sort of look that made it clear that he wasn’t the sort of man to be fucked with. The guy backed off. He glared around the circle at the rest of them. “Anyone else?” Suddenly elsewhere became more interesting and the men began to trickle away.

Dean was looking at him, clearly impressed. “Wow, Cas. You are one badass motherfucker. I can’t believe how fast you made them scramble.” He sidled up to Cas’s side and ran a hand over his chest. “You gonna take home your prize now?”

If anything, the rage that Cas had been feeling ballooned up over him in a wave that crashed down, destroying any form of thought in its wake. He grabbed Dean by the arm again and started back towards the door of the bar. “I can’t believe you keep making me do this, Dean! Don’t you realize you could get _hurt_?”

If anything, Dean grew more cheeky. “They weren’t going to hurt me, Cas. They just wanted to take me home and show me a nice time. To be friendly.”

Cas snorted so hard his nose hurt. “Wearing an outfit like that, there’s only one kind of man you would get and I promise, it’s not the sort of man that you want. They won’t treat you nice. They’ll take what they want and leave you to clean up the mess. Is that how you want things to go?” He whipped around to turn his eyes on Dean.

Dean shrugged. “The man I want is you. I can’t have that so it doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. You’re first time should be special. It shouldn’t be thrown away in a bar because you are angry that you can’t get what you want.”

“I’m not angry.” Dean dug his heels in as they passed the door into the frigid February night. “I was angry when you brushed me off like a child weeks ago. On my birthday, no less. I’ve accepted it now. You don’t want me. All those years saving myself for nothing. There’s no purpose to any of that if I can’t have you.”

Cas felt his heart freeze in his chest, a little bit of guilt burning it’s way inside when he remembered that he’d turned the boy down on his birthday. However, he looked at Dean again, saw how he was dressed once more and firmed himself against the sentiment. He’d done the right thing by not taking advantage of a child. “You don’t really know me, Dean. You only know the bits that are safe, the parts I’ve let you know. That’s certainly not enough to decide that I’m the one for you. You may not like it but you’re too young.”

“None of those guys thought so.”

“Those men wouldn’t care if you were even younger. They are only thinking with their dicks. You deserve more than that.”

This time Dean snorted. “That’s rich coming from you. What I deserve is you.”

Anger ballooned up inside of Cas at Dean’s audacity. “Deserve? You deserve me? I am not a thing to be won or a toy for you to play with. I’m a person and the only one who decides who deserves me is me. You argue that you are an adult but then you prove to me you are still a child! And a selfish one at that.” He grabbed Dean again, ignoring the fact that the boy was shivering in the snowy parking lot and dragged him off towards his monstrosity of a car. When they are arrived, he shoved Dean gently towards it. “Now get in and go home. It’s past your bedtime.”

Dean winced as he dug out his keys. “I didn’t mean it like that, Cas.”

Cas wasn’t about to let Dean talk him around, he was too furious. “GO HOME.”

With his shoulders hunched, Dean opened the car and climbed inside, then started it and reached for the heater to turn it on. He turned to Cas and opened his mouth to say something, but Cas was done listening to him for the night. He slammed the door shut before the words left Dean’s lips. He stood there, waiting until Dean put the car into gear and drove away into the night.

The moment he was gone, the anger cut out like a switch flicked off. He didn’t know how Dean had gotten under his skin so fast. Yes, it was infuriating to see him dressed as if he had no respect for himself and to offer all that skin to strangers. (Particularly when seeing him that way made Cas want to drink him in, but he was in steadfast denial that this was so.) His heart was starting to slow down again and he began to regret dressing the boy down however, he steeled himself against it. Dean needed to understand that he and Cas… it was never happening. No matter how much either of them wanted it. Dean was too young and the brother of his best friend. He had no business thinking of him that way.

He passed his hand over his face, wiping away sweat despite the chill. He shook his head and turned back to go inside. If he had ever needed a drink, the time was now.

***

Dean was shivering as he drove home. He fussed with the Impala’s heater once more, but it was already cranked to high and there was not much more he could do. The heat was doing as well as could be for such an old car, however, it was no match for the fact that he was practically naked. Worse, he felt like he had a lump of lead in his stomach when he thought about what had happened that night. It hadn’t gone like The Roadhouse at all. Some things were the same; Cas had marched him out and sent him home and maybe some of that had been jealousy driven. What was different was how mad at him Cas had gotten.

It made Dean realize that maybe Cas was right; Dean really didn’t know him as well as he thought he did. When he combed his memory, he couldn’t remember ever seeing Cas mad. He could recall seeing him melancholy about his family and sad about breakups, he’d even seen him get annoyed when one of the other D&D players did something he didn’t like. He’d seen him teased by Charlie and other friends and he’d even seen him scolded (mostly by Charlie). Cas was the sort that took it all in stride, he didn’t seem to be very flappable at all.

Tonight, however, he’d been angry. Not just angry; he’d been furious at Dean at the end. So much so that he hadn’t even let Dean speak to apologize. It was true that Dean had been pushing his buttons on purpose. He’d wanted to get a rise out of Cas, to see how much he cared about Dean but it was clear that he’d gone too far. Charlie had told Dean that he’d just gotten out of a relationship and hadn’t seemed to have gotten over it. Maybe that was why he’d gotten so furious. And honestly, Dean knew he'd gone too far when he’d said that he deserved Cas. That had been too much.

Wincing, Dean realized that even if he had to do the whole thing over again, he still would have said that because in a way, he felt like he did deserve Cas. He’d been pining for him since he’d been old enough to understand what it was to want someone. First it had just been kisses and warmth he’d wanted but over time, it had become more. He wasn’t just crushing on Cas; his heart belonged to him. Maybe he didn’t know him as well as he thought he did but he loved Cas just the same. Now Cas was so furious with him that he didn’t want to talk to Dean.

Sighing, Dean pulled into the driveway of his house, which was still dark and silent. He hadn’t been caught. He gathered up his clothes, deciding not to bother with changing to make the climb back to his bedroom, so he shoved his normal clothes into his backpack. When he got out of the car, the shivering took over again but he decided this was punishment for what he’d done and headed to the side of the house, where he climbed up on a huge stack of firewood, then up to an overhang below his window. Soon enough he was inside his darkened bedroom, where he stripped off his failed outfit and tossed it into the laundry basket. It had succeeded in getting him attention, but somehow had pushed Cas further away. He put on some boxer shorts and crawled into bed. He tried to sleep but a thought kept racing around in his mind: If Cas wouldn’t talk to him, how the hell were they ever going to be together?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday everyone! I have good news! This fic is officially completed and now all it needs is some editing before it's good to go! If you are still reading this, thanks so much for hanging in there. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> ~Neal

In the two weeks that had passed since the debacle at the gay bar, it had become clear to Dean just how much he had screwed up. Cas still wouldn’t come to family dinner night at all, saying instead that it was the only time that he could talk to his sister Claire. Then he bowed out of D&D night, with the excuse that he needed to work on a project and he closed himself into his bedroom the whole time. He’d not looked at Dean once when he’d given his excuse.

Charlie told Dean that she thought he was taking his recent breakup kind of hard, because he still didn’t pick up anyone else. Dean took solace in that, but otherwise, things seemed hopeless. Cas wouldn’t look at him and was going out of his way to make sure Dean had no way to talk to him. Dean had tried texting him a week after the blow up at the gay bar and Cas hadn’t even bothered to respond.

It was Saturday night, which was usually when Cas and Charlie went out and Charlie had told him she was going back to The Rainbow Room. Dean could try to go there in an attempt to get Cas alone but he didn’t feel like it. He had no idea how that would go. Would it make Cas angry to see Dean there again? Would he even talk to Dean or would he freeze him out.

What Dean needed was to go somewhere else. Somewhere that no one knew him. A place where he could buy drinks with the fake i.d. Ash had made for him and drown his sorrows. Who knew? Maybe at the bottom of a bottle he would find inspiration as to what to do next.

Dean Googled for gay bars close by and found a different bar that was the opposite direction from The Rainbow Room and was 21 or older only. Dean wanted the gay bar so he could find guys to talk to about winning the hearts of other guys. He wasn’t looking to get laid; he just wanted advice from an older gay man. Maybe he’d tell him to just give up and Dean would just have to face that. Right now though, he didn’t want to give up. He still wanted Cas but mostly, he wanted Cas to forgive him.

He dressed the way he normally would have: jeans, a black t-shirt with a flannel over the top and his boots. He shrugged on his jacket and headed out the front door, promising Ellen and Bobby that he’d be home by midnight. (He wouldn’t need to be out late for this venture.) He bit the bullet and took an Uber since the plan for the night wasn’t to stay sober.

The bar wasn’t like the one he’d gone to chasing Cas last time; it was brightly lit and didn’t have pounding dance music playing so loud it shook the floors. There were pool tables and spaces for men to sit and drink. Dean headed up to the bar and ordered himself a beer, then settled in to drink for a while. Soon enough, another man joined him. He was dark haired and looked a little nerdy with big eyes and the beginnings of a beard.

“You look like you could use company.” The man said.

Dean looked at him for a moment before signaling the bartender for another beer. “Maybe I could but I’m not looking to hook up. I need advice.”

The man smiled at him and settled on the stool next to him. “I don’t mind that. My name’s Aaron.”

Dean smiled back. “Hi Aaron. I’m Dean.” They shook hands.

Aaron took a moment to order himself a drink (something fruity with dark liquor in it) then turned his attention to Dean. “So what do you need advice about?”

“There’s this guy.” Dean started, pulling his beer to him so he could pick at the label.

Aaron chuckled. “There’s always a guy.”

“Yeah?” Dean didn’t know if that was true or not but it sounded that way to him. “He’s perfect. I know that’s unrealistic but to me he’s kinda perfect. He’s smart and respectful and really, truly kind. He’s this dorky little guy but I just always looked up to him. He’s also hot as hell too. Pretty blue eyes and dark hair. He’s got a strong jaw and just… I could look at him forever. So he’s got it all, you know? The whole package.”

“Guys like that are hard to get, aren’t they?”

“Yeah. I’ve wanted him for like half my life. Way back to when I was just learning what sex was, I knew I wanted him and I’ve just been waiting, you know? Counting the days until I was old enough to get him and have him.”

“So he’s older than you?”

“Yeah, by 8 years. I don’t think it’s that much but I guess he does. I waited for my birthday to tell him and to, you know, ask him to take my virginity. I’d been saving it all this time for him.”

“He didn’t take you up on that, I take it.”

“No, he freaked out. He said I was too young and that he’d watched me grow up and he thought of me like a brother.”

“That’s too bad. I’m sorry, Dean.” Aaron reached for his drink and took a pull of it. He looked at Dean with big, sympathetic brown eyes.

Dean had to admit, talking to this guy felt good. There was no pull of attraction, just an older, wiser guy who could maybe help him out. “Yeah, me too. I didn’t give up though. I had waited too long and I want him so much. It hurt like hell when he rejected me but I wasn’t ready to let go of that dream. So I went around where he was hanging out with my older sister. I met some older guy there and we were playing pool. When my guy saw him, he freaked out. Told me I was too young and dragged me out of the place and made me go home. It was like he was jealous or something. So I did it again, this time in a gay bar and wearing something that would definitely attract other guys. I wanted to show him that it was me he wanted and he was jealous of letting me go because that’s what it seemed like.

“But it wasn’t?”

“Man, I don’t even know. He reacted the same way except this time he got mad. He was so angry when he dragged me out of that bar and I said… some things that I’m not proud of. I was goading him into a reaction and he got furious. He was so angry that he slammed the car door in my face when he put me in the car and now he won’t talk to me at all. He’s going out of his way to avoid me and before we were like family. Now he’s not showing up to family things and I can’t talk to him at all. I want to apologize but he won’t let me.” Dean slumped on the bar stool.

“And now you don’t know what to do.”

“Yeah. I don’t want to give up on him. I want him so much. I… think I love him but he won’t give me the time of day.”

“That sounds so hard.” Aaron reached over and patted Dean on the shoulder. It felt companionable. “I think maybe you need to give him some time to cool down.”

“It’s been two weeks!”

“Everyone is different, you know. Sometimes it takes me a long time to cool off when the person who hurt me was close. It sounds like you and your guy were close; at least family close before this happened.”

“Yeah, we were. We hung out together and I could text him and he’d give me advice and talk to me. I miss him so much.”

“I can see that. Maybe we can find a way to get back into his good graces.” Aaron gave him a friendly wink then went thoughtful. “Maybe you can write him a letter of apology and attach it to something he would really like and send it to him. That gets around the fact that he won’t talk to you.”

“Yeah, I bet I can do that. He loves honey and anything to do with bees. I bet I can find him something sweetened with honey and put in some bees stuff and he would like that. He said I didn’t know him and maybe I don’t know him all the way but I know what he likes. I’ve been paying attention to everything Cas related since I was a kid.”

“Yes, I think that would do nicely. You need to be ready for him to take his own time though, because it sounds like he’s still very angry.”

“Yeah, I was a little shit. I deserve it.”

“Maybe or maybe not. You don’t deserve to be this miserable.”

“Thanks, man.” Dean took a breath before going on. “What do you think I can do to get him to want me back?”

“That one is tougher.” Aaron frowned as he stirred his drink with his straw. “It may have more to do with the fact that you’re family than how young you are.”

“But we’re not really family. He’s this guy that my sister brought home when his family kicked him out for being gay. My family kinda took him in and let him come to all the holidays and treated him like family. It’s not like he’s my real brother or something.”

“Yes, but maybe he thinks he is.”

Dean was flabbergasted. “That’s ridiculous! I’m adopted! Our family took me and my brother in when my parents died when I was a kid.”

“But you mentioned that he watched you grow up. It’s a big transition to make from child to grown man who can give and receive love.”

“So I’m fucked?”

“No, not necessarily. His reactions to you going out to meet other people sounds like jealousy to me too. I think there’s hope but I’m not sure how to get there. Maybe if we both talk about this some more we’ll come up with a solution.”

Dean drained his beer and turned towards Aaron. “Man, I am all ears.”

***

Cas walked into the bar feeling like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. This wasn’t his and Charlie’s usual hangout and it had a strict 21 and over policy, so there was no chance of running into Dean tonight. Maybe he could finally get that rebound fling started so he could move past his last relationship. He took a seat at a small booth strategically placed in a corner where he could watch the room. The waiter came over and he ordered a beer. He found himself staring towards the pool tables.

It wasn’t long before his gaze landed on a jeans-clad back side, with a matching torn denim jacket and head of gel styled blonde hair. Castiel avoided the thought that tried to tell him who that resembled, because it couldn’t possibly be that person. Shaking off the unwanted comparison much easier than expected, Cas sauntered up to the pool tables to chat up the young man, who most definitely had to be at least 21 to even be in here.

“So, you any good?” He asked by way of greeting. It wasn’t Cas’s best pick up line, far from it, but it wasn’t like he was looking for a lifelong commitment.

The guy looked up at him. “I’m alright, I guess, but I could always use a few pointers.” The blond flashed him a brilliant smile, and then extended his hand in greeting. “Hi, I’m Chad.”

“Castiel.” He shook the boy’s hand.

As Cas tried to teach Chad some of his pool playing tricks (which he learned from Charlie), the two chatted about this and that. Cas was hardly paying attention, because, it turned out that Chad was just…not smart. Apparently he was in some fraternity at some college, that didn’t teach the art of conversation, and Castiel was bored.

The very second they finally finished what was the longest game in the history of bar pool ever, Cas still managed to flash Chad his most charming smile and said, “So, you wanna get out of here?”

***

Dean was still busily talking to Aaron when he saw someone heading for the door out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t sure why he even looked, maybe it was curiosity or maybe it was fate. Whatever it was, he saw Cas leaving the bar with another guy. A guy who was definitely a twink who was around Dean’s age and had blond hair and a ripped jean jacket. A guy who looked a lot like Dean. It was like his head caught on fire. Dean was instantly so angry he couldn’t think straight. “Sorry, Aaron, I gotta go.” He dropped enough cash on the bar to cover his tab and ran straight for the door even as Aaron called after him to be safe.

Dean hit the door and barged out into the snowy evening. He glanced around and saw Cas coming up to his monstrosity of a car with the guy in tow and he barreled after them. “Cas!” He called, running up to the older man and snatching him by the sleeve of his coat. “What the hell is this?”

Cas blinked at him owlishly, clearly not expecting Dean to be there. “Dean what are you doing here?”

“WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. THIS?” Dean demanded, gesturing over at the young guy that was next to Cas. If the kid was older then 18, Dean would eat his own boot.

The guy drew up to his full height and said, “Mind your own business. This has nothing to do with you.”

“The hell it doesn’t!” Dean turned furious eyes on Cas. “This is what you take home from the bar? This?” He gestured at the guy again. “A kid about my age, wearing clothes that look like mine with hair that is styled the way I do my hair. This is what you are about to do?”

“This has nothing to do with you, Dean.” Cas said, straightening up with a frown crossing his face.

“You want to take home this cheap knock off when I offered you the real deal.” Dean snorted, his fingers clenching into fists at his side.

“He doesn’t look like you.” Cas’s voice was weak and he wasn’t meeting Dean’s eyes.

“Like hell.” Dean shifted until he was in front of where Cas was looking so the older man couldn’t look away. “I offered you everything and this is what you do. You are so full of shit.”

“Dean…”

“No, I’ve had it listening to your lies. Because that’s what you are, a liar. More than that, you are a fucking coward too. You’ve been putting me off all this time, telling me I’m too young when apparently you like ‘em young. More than that, you’ve been avoiding me and ignoring me instead of telling me what the real reason is.”

“Dammit, Dean…” Cas reached out to grab at Dean but Dean snatched his arm away.

“No! You don’t get to touch me now, you fucking asshole.” He stepped back, the arm Cas had tried to grab crossed over his chest protectively. “I would have given you everything you could have wanted or needed and this is what you do. It’s all been fucking lies.” He was so angry that he could feel unshed tears in his eyes but they didn’t fall over, he wouldn’t let them.

“Dean, listen!” Cas grabbed at him again, yelling as he did. “This is called a rebound. It doesn’t mean anything. He doesn’t mean anything!”

The guy standing next to them paled. “I’m out of here.” He headed back towards the door of the bar.

Cas’s eyes widened as he watched the young man go. He held out a hand as if to stop him but in the end let him go.

Silence reigned in the parking lot. Dean shifting foot to foot in anger and Cas crossing his arms as if he was being attacked. Dean turned to leave. “That’s two people whose nights you ruined tonight.”

“What are you doing here? The age limit is 21.” Cas said gruffly.

“I wanted to go someplace where you and Charlie wouldn’t be. She said you were going to The Rainbow Room.” Dean answered then he caught himself and turned a glare on Cas. “You know what, it’s none of your business. None of this is any of your business anymore.”

“Dean, look…”

“No, I’ve had enough of listening to your lies. You act all high and mighty like you know what’s best when in fact, you came up here to have a one night stand with some guy no older than me. You are full of shit! I can’t believe I fell for you. You’re right. I apparently didn’t know you at all.” Dean turned on his heel and went to march off to his car when he remembered that he had taken an Uber there. With a sigh, he pulled out his phone and opened the app to request a ride home.

Apparently Cas saw what he was doing. “Dean, let me take you home at least.”

“No! I don’t want to be near you!”

“Dean, be reasonable. It’s late and there could be anyone out here. You don’t have to talk to me, just let me take you home.” Cas scooted closer and gave him a soulful look, one that pleaded with Dean to listen.

“As if you care.”

“Of course I care! Obviously I care about you too much.” Cas didn’t touch him but he came closer. “Just get in the car. Please?”

“Fine.” Dean canceled his ride and crawled into the front seat of Cas’s car, then subjected himself to the most awkward car ride home he’d ever experienced.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to post this. I had to take an end of the holiday trip and came home to house full of chaos. Now that I've tamed it, here's the chapter. Enjoy!  
> ~Neal

A couple of weeks later, Dean’s temper had time to cool and Dean was left knowing he still wanted Cas but had no idea how to talk to him. Incidentally, it was also when Sam finally confronted Dean about his recent foul mood. Bobby, Ellen, and Jo were out of the house for the evening, and the brothers were in the kitchen putting together meatloaf sandwiches from last night’s leftovers. Once they were seated at the kitchen counter, Sam, trying to choose his words carefully, eventually blurted out, “Dean, what’s been going on with you lately?”

Dean paused with his sandwich halfway to his mouth. “What are you talking about?”

Sam rolled his eyes and leveled Dean with a bitch face. Sam had been working on it for just this occasion. “I’m 13 Dean, I’m not an idiot. I’m also your brother, and I’ve seen you in every kind of mood. But this one,” he waved at Dean in general, “is different. You’re sullen and morose and kind of a pill. It’s a guy, isn’t it?”

Dean carefully sat his sandwich down and turned fully around so that he was facing Sam. “It’s…” He started, stopped, and then started again. “Yeah, it’s a guy. It’s…it’s Cas.”

“You have a crush on Cas? You do realize he’s Charlie’s age, right? He’s like, old.”

“Yes, Sam, I am aware that Cas is older than me. Painfully aware. Castiel has made it perfectly clear that I am too young for him.” Dean was shouting now.

Sam placed a comforting hand on Dean’s arm. “You told him? Dean, that was really brave of you. I’m sorry he rejected you.” Sam shrugged. “Maybe it’s time to move on? Maybe with someone your own age? What about Benny? He’s a really nice guy. He really likes you. He even got you a scale model replica of your Baby for your birthday, and he wasn’t even invited to your party!”

“The party was family only, Sam.” Dean pointed out.

“Yeah, I know Dean. That’s another thing, isn’t Cas kind of like our brother now? I mean, it would be like Jo having a crush on me, right?” Sam made an appropriately disgusted face.

Dean took a deep breath. “No, Sam it’s not…it’s not like that. It’s not just a crush. I…Cas….I mean….” Clearly Dean couldn’t articulate what he was feeling.

Not that Sam needed Dean to put voice to his thoughts and feelings. As he sat there, staring at his big brother, whom he had hero worshipped for his entire life, Sam figured it out. “Dean…you’re…are you in love with Castiel?”

Dean swallowed hard and nodded.

“And he doesn’t feel the same way?”

Dean shook his head.

“Well, clearly he’s just not that smart, and I’m not sure I approve of my big brother dating someone so dumb,” Sam said with a smirk. “But seriously, though, Dean, if you feel this strongly for him, don’t give up on him. He might be feeling the same, but not know how to deal with it. I mean, he did practically watch us grow up.”

“What are you saying, Sammy?”

“I mean, clearly there is something about him that you’re drawn to. All I’m saying is that maybe you shouldn’t just dismiss it because he thinks rejecting you is what’s best.”

“But Sam, he’s so angry at me. I mean, it’s at least mostly my fault. I pushed his buttons. And I’m pissed at him because of something he did. It’s a mess and I just…I don’t know what to do. Well, I do have an idea, but I don’t know if it’s any good or not.” Dean proceeded to fill Sam in on everything that had happened since his birthday, as well as his conversation with Aaron. At the end of it, Sam had an idea of what Dean should do.

***

Armed with Sam’s support, Dean formed a plan. He decided that it was time to go talk to Cas. Not trick him into acting jealous or the other things he’d been doing, just go over to have an honest talk. He decided that there’s no way that things can get worse, they already weren’t talking to each other. He needed to be honest. He also needed to apologize for his behavior at The Rainbow Room, so he decided to act on Aaron’s advice; he went out and bought Cas some things he knew that he liked: a coffee mug with bees on it, some honey candies from the farmer’s market, a candle made of beeswax and a little stuffed bee. He put them all in a black bag and stuffed it with yellow tissue paper to keep the bee theme going. Next, he decided when to approach him; on a night when he was at home and the stress was low.

To figure that out, he started calling Charlie every day to ask her how things were with the business. He waited until she said that day had been pretty easy; he figured if she had it easy then Cas probably had it easy. Finally, he decided to approach Cas at home where there was no one else to watch just in case he was self-conscious about what other people would think. (He was not really worried about that because the last time he saw Cas, he was publicly picking up a guy Dean’s age.) When that day arrived, he waited until after dinner and headed over to Cas and Charlie’s apartment.

Charlie answered the door and hugged him as soon as she saw him. “What’s up, Dean-a-roonie?”

“I want to have a chat with your roomie. Is he in?”

“Yup. He’s in his room. Have at it.” She stepped back to let him in, looking curiously at his gift bag but she didn’t ask.

Dean was thankful for that as he squared his shoulders and headed to Cas’s room. He knocked.

“Come in.”

Dean took a deep breath before he opened the door. “Hey, Cas.”

Cas looked at him in surprise and with a small amount of wariness. “Dean. What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk… and to apologize.” He held out the black bag of goodies to Cas. “I know it doesn’t make up for it, but I was out of line at The Rainbow Room. I’m sorry.”

Cas took the bag and went through it. His brows furrowed as he looked through it but with each additional item he found, his expression smoothed out and his lips began to curl up at the corner. Once he’d found all the things in it, he looked at Dean. “Thank you. This is very nice.”

Dean shrugged as if it was no big deal. “Yeah, well, I know what I said was wrong and I’m sorry.” He also wanted to show Cas that he knew him well enough to get things that he liked, but he wasn’t going to say that.

“Thank you.” Cas put the bag down on his desk and looked up to meet Dean’s eyes. “I accept your apology. We haven’t been the best with each other lately.”

“I know. I thought maybe if we talked we could come to an understanding.”

“Maybe so.”

Silence bloomed in the room. Dean couldn’t handle the look in Cas’s eyes and so he turned his eyes down to his shoes. “Look, man, I really like you. I know you think I don’t know you, but I think you’re wrong. I’ve been watching you, just you, for years. I’ve looked up to you, I’ve listened to your stories, I’ve hung on every word you said.”

“Dean…”

“No! Just let me. It’s been years, Cas. Since I was old enough to know what a crush was, even before that, I liked you more than everyone else. You’ve been the sun of my world since I was ten.” He glanced up to see that Cas’s expression was unreadable and he felt his stomach clench. “I know I’m young but I’m not stupid. I know how I feel. I’ve had opportunities to be with other people. I know it’s not the same. They aren’t you.”

“Dean this is not the same thing as love. It’s infatuation.”

“Don’t tell me my mind. I know how I feel.” Dean frowned at Cas, clenching his hands at his side. “You aren’t listening to me. My feelings for you are real. They’ve grown as I’ve grown. They’ve done nothing but change and deepen over the years.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t return them. To me you will always be that little boy.” The words hurt but Dean could see the conflict growing in Cas’s eyes.

The denial still cut through him and he felt his temper heat but he kept a hold on it. “I don’t think my age is what really matters here. I’ve seen what you pick up at bars. You like ‘em young.”

“Not as young as you.” Cas said quickly, but he looked away, his cheeks turning red.

“I don’t believe you. When you saw me with other guys, you reacted with jealousy. You’ve driven everyone who wanted me away. Why would you do that if not to keep me for yourself?”

“I was concerned about you making bad choices.”

“If you didn’t really care about me then it wouldn’t matter. If I was just some kid…”

Cas cut him off. “I never said I didn’t care for you. Obviously I do. But as a child, a little brother.”

Dean clenched his fists tighter, trying to hang on and not get angry. “Well, news flash. I’m not a child. I’m a fucking adult now and I’ve had many opportunities to get laid through the years. I’m more than old enough for you by your tastes!”

“I DON’T WANT YOU!” Cas suddenly was on his feet and in Dean’s face. “Get that through your head! This is never going to happen because I don’t want you. You are a baby! Immature and selfish and not at all someone I would choose.”

“BULLSHIT.” Dean lurched into Cas’s space so they were standing nearly nose to nose, though Cas was a little bit taller than him still. “That guy you picked up could have been my double. You obviously like what I’ve got going on and you are in denial! I don’t know why but I know you want me. I know it and you are trying to hide it. Let me tell you buddy, you suck at it. I know, and I bet Charlie knows. I bet everyone knows but you.”

“Get. Out.” Cas’s voice was low and dangerous. “I do not want you. Not now. NOT EVER. I will never want you.” He grabbed Dean’s arm and shoved him towards the open door. “Not only do I not want you in any way now, I don’t want to be your friend. I DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE AND OUT OF MY LIFE.” He kept dragging Dean down the hall, past a mystified Charlie and through the living room. When he got to the door, he wrenched the knob trying to open it. It took him two tries to get it open.

“Cas, please.” Dean pleaded, realizing that things had suddenly gotten a hell of a lot worse than he’d ever imagined. “You don’t mean that.” He started trying to wrench his arm out of Cas’s grasp, but the man’s hold on him was so tight that he was going to have bruises.

“SHUT UP, DEAN!” Cas was still screaming at him. The whole building could probably hear it. “GET OUT!” He threw Dean into the hallway so hard that Dean stumbled into the wall on the other side. The door slammed shut so loudly it vibrated on its hinges. Dean stood there stunned. He had no idea how things had gone so wrong. Now he wasn’t just on Cas’s bad side, he’d been thrown out of his life. A door down the hall opened and a curious person peeked out to see what was going on.

Worse, the door to Cas and Charlie’s apartment opened up again and Charlie was there, her face stunned. “Dean?” She looked completely sympathetic and he just… he couldn’t deal with that. Not right then. Not when he was in a million pieces. He fled, running down the hall to the stairs. As he tripped his way down the stairs, he heard her call after him. “Dean!” He didn’t stop, he hit the door that led out and scrambled across the parking lot to Baby’s side. Baby was safe. Baby would protect him. He crawled behind the driver’s door and peeled out of the parking lot as if his ass was on fire. In the rearview mirror, he saw Charlie come out of the door to the building, screaming and waving as he drove away.

Dean had no idea where to go now. Tears were leaking from his eyes and streaking down his face, so he couldn’t go home. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, not Charlie, not Bobby, and not Sam. He needed to be alone, and with nowhere to go, Dean drove. Baby would bring him peace. She was safe. She loved him. So, Dean drove.

***

Unable to catch Dean, Charlie turned on her heel and raced back to her apartment. She was going to get answers out of someone, and that someone was going to pay dearly for hurting her brother, even if he was her best friend. She flung the door open hard enough that it slammed into the wall. Cas was nowhere to be found.

“CASTIEL JAMES NOVAK, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!” Charlie’s bellow was met with absolute silence. She made her way down to his room and started pounding on the door. “CASTIEL JAMES NOVAK, YOU _WILL_ COME OUT HERE THIS INSTANT AND TELL ME WHY YOU THREW MY BABY BROTHER OUT OF THIS APARTMENT!”

Castiel flung his own door open, causing it to also hit the wall (there was no way they were getting their security deposit back after this.) “Because he _is_ your little brother, and he can’t take ‘no’ for an answer!”

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT????” Charlie refused to lower her voice beyond banshee level. She was that mad.

Cas sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. “Dean…he has this crush on me. And I tried, Charlie you have to believe me, I tried to let him down easy. But he refuses to accept it. You should see him, gallivanting around town dressed like something out of a porno! His advances were getting out of hand. He wasn’t listening to reason!”

“So you thought physically assaulting him was the answer?” Charlie reached behind her and pulled her Bat’leth off of the hallway wall, using several expert Mok’bara moves to force Cas back into his room until he had fallen back onto his bed and was holding his hands up in surrender.

“Get that thing out of my face, Charlie! It’s not like I wanted to hurt Dean. I tried not to!” Cas continued to plead his case, despite the sharp bladed weapon in his face. Charlie was impressed.

Charlie snarled at him, and then thrust the weapon at him once more before withdrawing. She sat down next to him on the bed, still clutching the sword in her hands. “You know, Dean’s not an idiot. There must be a reason he’s not giving up.”

“I know that he’s a smart kid. But he’s just that, a _kid_. I can’t possibly make my feelings any clearer. I made them clear from the start. He’s like a little brother to me, and that’s all!” Cas seemed to get angry but behind it she could see exhaustion in his eyes too. He was clearly at his limit, however, Dean was involved and Charlie was not going to let this go. Her brother meant too much to her for that.

Charlie huffed at him. She put her sword down and placed a hand on Cas’s knee. “Yes, but we both also know that he _is_ exactly your type. Also, he’s not a douche nozzle like most of the guys you pick up.”

Cas shoved Charlie’s hand off of his knee before jumping off the bed. “Don’t you see that none of that matters Charlie? HE. IS. A. CHILD! I watched him grow up! I can’t be more than a brother to him!”

Instead of being cowed, Charlie just smirked at him. “Me thinks thou doth protest too much.”

“I’M PROTESTING TOO MUCH BECAUSE NO ONE IS LISTENING TO ME! NO ONE CARES ABOUT _MY_ FEELINGS!”

Charlie blinked up at her best friend. He really was upset about the situation, and Charlie suspected there was more to it than just the age difference. She grabbed Cas’s hand and pulled him back down onto the bed. She took his other hand so that she was holding both of his, locked her hazel green eyes onto his deep blue ones and simply said, “Cas, what is really going on here?”

Cas blinked at her owlishly for several seconds. He took a deep breath and dropped his gaze down to their clasped hands. “Charlie, I can’t love Dean as more than a brother. I can’t…and I won’t.”

“Why not?” She asked quietly. She had begun stroking the tops of his hands with her thumbs.

He squeezed her hands firmly and said in a voice barely above a whisper, “I can’t handle losing another family because of loving the wrong person.”

Charlie squeezed him back before releasing his hands and cupping his chin, lifting it so their eyes locked again. “Oh, Cas…I’m so sorry you’ve been worried about that! I promise you, there is nothing you could do, no one you could be with who would cause this family to abandon you.”

Castiel chuckled wryly. “Yeah, right. You can’t tell me Bobby wouldn’t point his sawed off at me the second he thought I was corrupting his boy.”

“Please, he knows you better than that.”

“Ok, so what if something were to happen. You know my track record with relationships. Once it ends, how do you think your family will feel about me then?”

“ _Our_ family, Cas.” Charlie looked at him pointedly. “You are part of the family.”

Cas stood up again, sighing with frustration. “That’s exactly my point! Dean is my _brother_.”

It was Charlie’s turn to sigh. “We could talk this around in circles all day, Castiel. Let’s just bottom line it, ok? All else aside, how do you really feel about Dean? If you are sincerely not interested in him romantically, that’s fine. We’ll deal with that together. I can handle my kid brother. If you’re fighting or hiding other feelings for him because you’re worried about the family, I’m telling you that you don’t have to be. We’ll deal with that too, together. Because no matter what, Castiel James Novak, you are my best friend in the universe, my queer platonic soul mate or some shit, and we’re in this together.”

Cas sat back down and dropped his head into his hands. “I honestly don’t know, Charlie. I mean, it’s like you said, he is basically my type. But if it is just a physical attraction, I don’t want to go there. It’s not fair to Dean. I do have affection for him, but I’m not sure if it’s brotherly or whatever.” He looked up at his friend. “Charlie, I’m so confused.”

“Have you told any of this to Dean?”

“No. Not exactly.”

“Don’t you think you should?”

“I don’t know…”

Charlie picked her Bat’leth up one more time and held it up to Cas’s throat. “Don’t you think you should talk to Dean about all this?” She grinned at him.

Cas swallowed and with just his pointer finger guided the blade further away from him. Joking or not, they both knew how sharp Charlie kept that thing. “Fine, I’ll talk to him.”

“Good,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him as she removed the blade from his person.

“Is texting him cowardly?” Cas asked, his phone already in hand.

Charlie gave it a thought. “A bit. You could text him to ask him to talk to you though. Then you can set up a time.”

“Okay.” Cas’s shoulders slumped as he typed out a message. “I can wait a bit, right? And think a little more?”

“Maybe not too long. My brother ran from even me, Cas. You hurt him badly.”

Cas slumped even more, but this time, Charlie didn’t give him sympathy. He was going to have to unmake this mess on his own.

Cas looked up at her, determination in his eyes. “I’ll make this right. I promise, Charlie.”

“Good.” Charlie certainly hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klingon terms:  
> Bat'leth - Klingon sword   
> Mok'bara - Klingon Martial Art


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is double the length of the other chapters. I was debating cutting it in two, but Andy told me no one would mind the long chapter. I think the second half is likely what you've been waiting for so here you go. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~Neal

The next day, Dean felt as if he had lead in his chest instead of a heart. It felt so heavy that he wasn’t sure why he was still walking. A part of him felt like he should have just ended when Cas threw him out but life didn’t work that way. The world continued to turn despite the pain in Dean’s chest. He went to breakfast, picked at his eggs and bacon, then drove to school, dropping Jo off at the middle school before he and Sam went to the high school. He meandered his way through his classes as if he were sleep walking. Nothing sank into his head and he wasn’t sure what had happened in any of them.

It wasn’t until after lunch that Benny cornered him and asked him what was wrong. Then the worst thing that could have happened did. He started to cry. In front of Benny, right in the middle of the hallway between the cafeteria and the courtyard where students could eat outside for lunch. It was a slow leak from his eyes and thankfully it was cold enough that the courtyard was empty. Still, Benny pulled him quickly away, finding a space in an alley between two of the school buildings where they would be hidden.

“Sorry.” Dean muttered, wiping his eyes as shame welled up under his skin.

Benny rubbed his back, not awkward, just kind. “I guess whoever you gave your heart to broke it.” He said.

Dean couldn’t do more than nod. He hadn’t thought about it that way but now that it was said, he knew it was true. His heart was well and truly broken.

Benny just continued to rub his back. It was kinda soothing. After a while, he said, “Want me to go kick his ass?”

A watery laugh bubbled on Dean’s lips. “No, man, it’s okay.” He couldn’t imagine Cas in a fight but he wouldn’t wish that on him, even after the bruises he’d put on Dean’s arm last night.

“Offer still stands, Brother.”

“Thanks, Benny.” Dean looked at his friend and found nothing but concern and kindness in his face. Benny was on his side, without question, without knowing what went down. He was a good friend. For a moment, Dean wished it could be more than that, but he knew his heart belonged to Cas and Cas alone. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it now that Cas had kicked him to the curb.

Benny sighed. “You get outta here. I’ll tell the teacher that you felt sick and went home.”

Dean felt tension rush out of his shoulders and he nodded. Benny walked with him as far as the parking lot, then let Dean go to his car. He mostly just drove around again until it was time to pick up Sam and Jo.

Sam kept giving him weird looks from the passenger seat but Jo was oblivious, blabbing along about whatever happened during her day. When they got home, Sam tried to catch Dean by the elbow, but Dean evaded him. “Not now, Sammy.” He swept up the stairs and closed himself in his room.

That started a pattern for the next few days. He functioned; he ate, went to school, did his homework, but mostly he slept. He’d lie on his bed, put his headphones in and drift off to sleep with whatever classic rock he’d picked that day playing on his phone. He made it to Friday, which was family dinner night. Charlie came without Cas (obviously) and tried to get Dean alone, but he evaded her, sticking to areas where the rest of his family was. She kept throwing him curious and sad looks. They had texted all week and they never once had talked about Cas or what had happened. He liked it that way.

When it was over and Charlie had gone home, he went back to his room. He lay on his bed, plugged in his headphones and settled in for an after dinner nap when his phone went off. He looked at the screen and saw it was from Cas. This wasn’t the first text Dean had gotten from Cas. The first had come the night they’d had the fight but Dean had figured he was still yelling at him and hadn’t read it. Another had come the day after that, but Dean hadn’t looked at it either. Now he blinked at the notification, his heart and body empty. He opened it.

**Cas:** Dean, please. We need to talk.

Blinking, Dean read the two above it. The first one said:

**Cas:** I overreacted Dean. I’m sorry. Can we make some time to get together and really talk?

The next one said:

**Cas:** Dean, I’m really sorry for yelling at you. I was out of line. Please talk to me.

Dean had no idea what was going on. Why the hell was Cas texting him going on about talking. What the hell had Charlie said to him after she saw Cas throw him out? Dean had no idea but he wasn’t going to fall for whatever trap this was.

**Dean:** I don’t think there’s much left to say.

A reply came less than a minute later.

**Cas:** Thank God. I thought you were never going to talk to me again. I was out of line. I lost my temper and I said awful things to you. I know begging forgiveness over texts isn’t the right way to do things. Please, can you come over so we can really talk? I need you to listen to me.

A bubble of hope buoyed in Dean’s chest and he ruthlessly popped it.

**Dean:** I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much.

**Cas:** I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to do the right thing for you. I know I didn’t. We need to talk about this.

**Dean:** I tried to talk to you. That didn’t work out so well.

**Cas:** I know it didn’t. I lost my temper and I’m sorry. You were right that I haven’t been totally honest with you but I have my reasons. Can we please try it again?

Dean thought about this for a long time. After what happened last time did he really want to put himself at risk again? Almost on the heels of that thought, he remembered that this was Cas who was generally kind and loving. Dean knew he hadn’t really been listening to Cas when they talked, and while he didn’t deserve what he had gotten, he knew he had created some of that situation himself. That persistent bubble of hope floated up in his chest again. This time he let it remain. Maybe he wouldn’t get to have Cas in the way he wanted, but maybe he’d get Cas back as a friend. That was better than nothing. Right? His phone chimed again.

**Cas:** Dean?

Dean sighed and made his decision.

**Dean:** Okay, Cas. Let’s talk.

**Cas:** Charlie is out at The Rainbow Room flirting with Meg. You could come now.

For a moment, Dean panicked. He wasn’t ready to face Cas but it seemed like this was the only chance he’d get.

**Dean:** Alright, I’m on my way.

***

Cas paced around the apartment while he waited for Dean to arrive. He still wasn’t entirely sure what his feelings towards Dean actually were, despite having talked it to death with Charlie. All he knew was that he had to be honest with Dean about why he was pushing him away. Castiel was sure that talking with Dean, honestly, for once, would help him sort out his own feelings. He knew that he cared a great deal for the boy…the young man, but Cas still wasn’t convinced it was anything more than like a sibling. Although he now had to admit that he didn’t feel the same way about the younger members of the Singer household, or his own sister. So what was it about Dean that was so different? Even after days and days of trying to figure it all out, the one thing that Castiel was sure of, was that he was confused. Charlie said that was a good place to start. Cas was also relieved that he was finally going to get to talk openly with Dean for the first time since his birthday.

The knock on the door came sooner than Cas expected and he knew he wasn’t ready but he answered it anyway. He’d invited Dean there and he needed to let him in. He had a feeling that if he screwed this up, it would truly be the end of the easy relationship he had with Dean. He opened the door and there was Dean. He looked more nervous than Cas felt, so Cas stepped back to let him in.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas.” Dean shuffled over to the couch and plopped down on it without being asked. He was well used to feeling at home in their place, however, Cas could tell that Dean was uncomfortable. His entire body posture screamed it.

“Look, Dean. I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. For that, I’m truly sorry.”

Dean looked up at Cas and crossed his arms over his chest, however the gesture looked protective rather than defensive, as if he still sort of expected an attack. “Yeah, I get it. We both screwed up.” With a sigh he let his arms fall. “You wanted to talk. So, talk.”

Now on the spot, Cas felt his heart freeze. “I’m… really confused… About you.”

“Okay…” Dean said, drawing out the word as if he was at a loss. “Why?”

Cas breathed out a puff of air as he sat heavily on the other side of the couch. He scrubbed his hand over his face, started to talk, stopped, and started again. He repeated the process several times, Dean just watching him before he finally blurted out, “I can’t risk losing everything just for you.”

Cas watched as Dean’s face absolutely fell. He rushed to try to fix it. “That’s…that’s not what I mean. Shit, Dean I told you I’m awkward as fuck and I’m not good at this shit!” He was getting frustrated for not being able to express himself. Cas flinched when he realized he raised his voice at Dean, again. He expected Dean to yell back or run out.

“You could just say what’s on your mind instead of shouting, that would be a start.” Dean said, clearly starting to get fed up with Cas. Not that Cas could blame him.

Cas nodded and then looked down at his hands as he just started talking. “You don’t know what it was like before, Dean. Did Charlie ever tell you how we met?”

Dean shook his head, not wanting to speak up and interrupt.

“I was in a very dark place. Not long before I left for college, my parents found out about me in the worst possible way. They were supposed to be out of town, and I brought my boyfriend home…and let’s just say that did not end well. I was supposed to go to MIT, but when my parents cut me off and drained my college fund, I had to fall back on my safety school which offered me a full scholarship. Anyway, about a month into my first year, I’d decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. I’d lost my family, my parents wouldn’t even let me talk to my little sister who I’ve always been crazy close to. I wasn’t where I’d expected to be. I didn’t have any friends. I was failing most of my classes. I’d decided enough was enough…You can probably tell where this is going…” Cas looked up to find Dean listening to him carefully but it was hard to read the expression on his face.

He jumped up, unable to keep still with this story and began to pace. He kept going. “Anyway, I ended up on the roof of the tallest building on campus, which happened to be Charlie’s dorm. She was already there, with a girl, of course. It didn’t take her long to figure out what I was doing there, and in true Charlie fashion, she sent her date away and talked me off the edge, in more ways than one. Here was someone I barely knew, we had classes together but had never even spoken before that moment, who treated me with more concern than my own parents.” Cas realized he’d been talking for what felt like a while. He had never told that story to anyone, not even Claire. Taking another deep breath, he finally said. “I just…I can’t risk losing another family because of who I love…especially when I’m not completely sure how I feel myself.”

Dean blinked at him for several beats before he finally spoke up. “So you’re saying that even if you actually _do_ figure out that you want to be with me too, that you won’t because you think my parents are assholes like your parents?”

Cas sighed in frustration. “No Dean. I know they’re not like _that_ but I can’t imagine Bobby or Ellen would be thrilled with you dating someone so much older, regardless of who that person is, even if it’s me.”

“But, Cas, you’re family. Nothing can change that.”

“Unless my fabulous track record with relationships holds true. What happens to that family when I inevitably break your heart?”

“Don’t you think you might be over thinking this a bit, there, Cas?”

Cas looked like he’d been slapped. “Dean! This is your heart we’re talking about here. I have to over think things!”

“No, you don’t. First of all, I’m a big boy. I know how to look after myself. I’ve been doing it my whole life. Remind me to tell you about my real father sometime and how I raised Sammy from an infant to a six year old practically by myself. I know what I’m doing.” Dean said firmly, his green eyes riveted on Cas’s. “Second, you are thinking way too hard about the other assholes that came before me because let’s face it. You’ve dated nothing but douche bags.”

Cas sputtered for a moment. “I have not!”

“Do I need to remind you about that fake British asshole? Bat… Balth… I don’t fucking remember his name. He stank of expensive cologne and cheated on you three different times! Three!” Dean flapped his arms as he gestured a little wildly, but he kept going. “Look, Cas, in the entire time I’ve known you, you are the one to get broken up with. Not the other way around, so I doubt you are just going to break my heart more than you already have.”

Cas sighed and sat down heavily on the chair near the couch. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Well, you already have and you can’t take that shit back, so suck it up. You don’t have to worry about that anymore. Clearly, I survived.” Dean rubbed his chest for a moment, but still he went on. “I’m not like those guys. You already know that.”

Backed into a corner, Cas had to agree. “You’re right. You aren’t like anyone I’ve ever known. You are special, just like the rest of your family.”

“Damn right, I’m special.” Dean gave him a tiny smile, then ran a hand through his hair. “But I’m not like the rest of my family. I think you already know that too and you’re scared of it. I get where you are coming from. You lost your family before but that’s not going to happen here. If we break up it might make things awkward for a while but I think that’s borrowing trouble. You don’t get into a relationship thinking about breaking up. What happens if we don’t? What if we are good together? I know we will be good together.”

“I don’t have that faith, Dean.” Cas said, clenching his fingers into the chair he was sitting on. “Relationships are hard and I don’t have a great track record.”

“Yeah, we’ve been over that and established that I’m not like those assholes.” Dean grinned suddenly, with a small chuckle. “Look at it this way, you’ve seen me grow up. You know how I was raised and you know, a lot of that development was with you in mind. In a way, I’ve made myself for you.”

“Dean…” Cas pushed his hands into his hair and ran them through it, stopping a minute to tug hard. “What if what I feel for you is just brotherly? I know I feel something but I can’t promise that it’s more than that. Beyond being attracted to you.” 

“I think you should kiss me.”

That brought Cas up short. “What?”

“I think you should kiss me.” Dean stood up and walked to the chair where Cas was sitting, so he could look down at Cas. “I may have been saving my ass for you, but that doesn’t mean I’ve not been out there. You dated other people. So did I. And you can tell in a kiss when things aren’t right. If you kiss me and it’s brotherly, then you’ll know right away. I’ve kissed people like that before. You try it out, it doesn’t work and you both know. Kiss me and if it’s like that, we can call it. You can’t deny that kind of feeling.”

“I…” What Dean said made sense, Cas knew it did. He also felt like there was a trap in those words too, but he couldn’t quite point it out. “If I kiss you and it’s brotherly, you’ll accept that?”

“Yeah, man. There’d be nothing I could do about it.” Dean shrugged and reached down to take one of Cas’s hands. “Come on. It’s just a kiss. What harm could it do?”

Cas could think of plenty of harm, however he let himself be pulled from the chair. He blinked when he found himself staring into Dean’s green eyes. “One kiss.”

“One kiss.” Dean agreed. He stepped forward and slowly wrapped his arms around Cas’s shoulders, first one, then the other. It felt nice, and despite everything they’d been through, it felt safe. This was Dean, who he’d known for years and who was one of his closest friends, regardless of his age.

“Okay.” Cas breathed and then he tilted forward. There was an awkward moment when Dean also tipped forward. There were breathy laughs and then a moment where they decided who was going to tilt their head which way. Then Dean closed the distance and their lips touched together. Dean’s lips were warm and soft, slightly parted in a hint that there could be more if Cas wanted it. However, what got his attention was the warm zing of electricity that raced down his spine as he tasted Dean for the first time. He parted his own lips, wanting just another hint, a little more of a taste. Dean read that from him and offered more, tilting a little more so their mouths sealed together. It was like no one else Cas had ever touched before and he was lost.

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and pulled him in tight against his body while his tongue traced Dean’s lips, begging entrance and Dean… he didn’t disappoint. He gave Cas exactly what he was asking for and then some, Dean’s tongue waited there to collide with Cas’s the moment he entered that mouth. They tangled together in what was something of a sensation explosion. Someone moaned and Cas couldn’t tell who it was. He only knew that kissing Dean felt right, despite all his protestations and his fine intentions, in this moment, Dean was what he wanted. He knew he could become lost in this kiss without too much trouble and so he made himself withdraw, taking first his tongue and then breaking the connection between their lips. Dean whimpered at the loss.

Cas looked at Dean, watched as his eyelashes fluttered at his cheeks before his eyes opened and then he was staring into hazy green eyes from inches away. “I…”

“Wow…” Dean breathed, his fingers curling into the hair at the nape of Cas’s neck. “That was better than I expected. Did you feel it too?”

For a moment, Cas thought about lying. It was the easy choice and a coward’s way out. He wouldn’t do that to Dean, even if the truth terrified him. “I felt it too.”

Dean’s eyes brightened with joy and he leaned back in, his intent clear and Cas had mere seconds to decide what to do. Should he let Dean kiss him again? What would happen if they lost control? Where would things lead from here? In thinking about it, he lost the moment to pull away and was once more pulled into the siren song of Dean’s lips. This time he knew it was him that moaned when Dean slid his tongue into his mouth. This time it was Cas that started a war between their tongues when Dean tried to deepen the kiss. He couldn’t seem to help himself. Kissing Dean was life-changing. His whole world tilted on its axis and everything was new and strange.

Dean gave him a nudge and Cas stumbled back, his knees hitting the chair he’d been sitting in as their lips popped apart again. Dean grinned at Castiel and guided him down into the chair and then climbed into his lap facing him. Before Cas could protest, Dean wrapped his arms back around his neck and he was kissing Cas again. Whatever protest he could have dreamed of was lost in the bliss he found kissing Dean. Time seemed to stand still as he lost himself in those lips. His hands gravitated to Dean’s waist, but as their kisses became hot and heavy, he found them sliding downwards until they were cupped over Dean’s very shapely ass.

Cas gave himself over to learning all about Dean; the depth of his mouth, the taste and shape of his tongue, what made him gasp and what made him moan. Teasing the boy with his tongue along the seam of his lips made him lurch in Cas’s lap, his hips rolling so that Cas could feel the evidence of Dean’s desire against his own rapidly filling cock. There was nothing to do for it but to arch up into that roll so their erections slide together through two layers of denim. Even muted by fabric, the touch was divine, reminding Cas that it had been too long since he’d had a lover in his lap, or had one at all.

Dean’s hand were everywhere, sliding through his hair, running over his shoulders and down his arms, the touch almost reverent in its quality. The part of Castiel who was dying for affection trembled at it, wanting to feel every inch of Dean’s affection for him. He’d always known the boy was special, and he’d always admired Dean’s brightness and his smile, but he was finding that the affection he felt ran so much deeper than what he’d thought. He also liked Sam, but this was different. He’d never kiss Sam however, kissing Dean only grew better then longer he did it. Still, he tried to content things with what they’d found; the press of lips and bodies that was held in by the confines of the chair.

Dean, however, was not content with this. He pulled back after a playful nip to Cas’s lips. He laid his forehead against Cas’s and he panted for a moment, his breath warm against Cas’s lips. “Cas, please.”

The voice, deep with desire and trembling with need, did things to Cas. Things he wasn’t sure he should act on, no matter how good they felt. That temptation was a siren call though, too good to resist. “Please what?”

“I’ve waited for you for so long.” Dean’s fingers stroked Cas’s cheek as he spoke. “Make me yours.”

“Dean… we should wait. See where this goes first.” Someone had to keep their head, even if his dick hated him for it.

Dean’s fingers curled into the hair on the back of Cas’s head and pulled until their eyes met. “I’m done waiting. I’ve waited through years of puberty. I’ve waited while you denied me and I’ve waited when you threw me out. I’m not going to wait forever.” The boy rolled his hips again, pressing their erections together. “I can feel how much you want me. I did that too.” His other hand inched between them, strolling over his chest and down his belly until it was pressing into Cas’s dick. “I’ve been dreaming of this cock. I’ve been training for it. Stuffing myself full of a dildo at night and pretending it was you. Give it to me.”

All the remaining blood in Cas’s head rushed south as the mental image of Dean, naked on a bed fucking himself on a dildo popped in front of his eyes. His cock throbbed under Dean’s hand and he arched against Dean for more friction, unable to really stop himself. “I wanted us to be sure.” He whispered, feeling his will to hold Dean back washing away.

“I’m sure.” Dean leaned in and kissed him again, tongue wiggling between his lips for a kiss that was searing before he broke it. “I’ve been sure this whole time. Can you honestly tell me you aren’t sure after feeling what this is like?”

Castiel was sure he wanted Dean. He throbbed for Dean and yearned to press into his heat, but the edges of fear were clinging still and it made it hard. This was a decision they couldn’t take back. Once he took Dean, the boy would be his. He looked Dean in the eyes and he could see how far gone the boy was, his green eyes hot and full of an emotion that Cas shied away from. He could see that no matter what he did, Dean was already his. What he did know was that he would treat the boy well, he could make his first time special and full of care, which was something Cas hadn’t had for himself. He could make it good. Dean deserved that. The strength of that belief went to his core and he became more sure with every moment. He already liked Dean more than he had liked most of his previous boyfriends. They had plenty in common, he already knew that he liked to talk to Dean, that he liked hanging out with Dean. They could have something together. Something strong and right. The possibility glimmered in front of him and he knew he would take it. It was the best thing he’d ever been offered, he was just scared of losing but love was always a risk. He could take a risk on Dean. “Okay.” He kissed Dean, this time gently, sweetly, a heart shaking kiss that was everything the boy deserved.

Dean scrambled off of his lap and grabbed Cas’s hand. “Take me to bed.” He demanded, pulling at Cas’s hand until he got up to follow. He led the way down the short hall to Cas’s room, opened the door to let them in, then shut it firmly behind him. The moment it was closed, Dean shrugged off the flannel he had been wearing and let it fall onto the floor. Then he was scrambling for the t-shirt he wore.

Cas reached out to stop him. “Hold on. We don’t have to rush. Let me.”

“Come on, Cas. I don’t need a lot of fancy foreplay. I need you. Let’s do this.”

“I need it.” Cas said firmly, despite the fact that the tent in his pants said otherwise, Cas wanted to give Dean everything, to worship him as he deserved.

This seemed to bring Dean up short. “You need it?”

“I do.” Cas stepped in and began to run his fingers over Dean’s chest. He found one of his nipples and firmed his touch, letting it trip over the nub as it began to harden. He watched as Dean’s pupils dilated a little. He shivered in pleasure so Cas leaned in to kiss it off his lips. “I need to make you feel good. Do you understand?”

Dean’s reply was slow as his eyes were trying to close. “I… understand, Cas.”

Cas smiled as he traced his way to the other nipple and plucked it through the fabric of Dean’s shirt. His smile widened when Dean gasped. “Good.” He kissed Dean again, then shifted his lips, kissing the corner of his mouth, then along his jaw towards his ear. “You deserve that. You deserve everything.”

Dean’s fingers buried themselves in Cas’s hair and he held on as Cas let his hand slide down Dean’s stomach and under his shirt. He went straight back to teasing Dean’s nipples as he kissed his way down the boy’s neck. He modulated his touch, going from light to teasing to little sharp pinches until he found what Dean liked best, then he honed in on that until he was pulling desperate moans from Dean’s lips. There was no telling how long that took, but he had time and patience, no matter how much he wanted Dean. When Dean was gripping his shoulders tight, his knees sagging as if weak, Cas reached down to pull off Dean’s shirt. He worked it up and over the boys head and looked his fill at him. Dean was well formed, beginning to develop breadth in his chest and was trim at the waist with slim hips that teased over his jeans.

Unfortunately, as he looked, he noticed a set of bruises on Dean’s upper arm. It was like being doused with a bucket of cold water. “I did that to you.” He wrapped his fingers gently around Dean’s arm, watching as the tips of his fingers lined up with the fading bruises. He felt lead in his stomach to have caused such harm. “I’m sorry.” He opened his light grip and put his lips down on the first of the bruises as if he could kiss it away. “I can’t express how much I regret that moment. I was not myself and I harmed you.” He kissed the next bruise, full of remorse.

Dean tugged at his hair until he looked up into Dean’s green eyes. “It’s okay, Cas. You were right that I wasn’t listening to you. I wanted my way and I didn’t understand your fears.”

“That’s no excuse. I should have never laid my hands on you.” Cas kissed the next bruise, his lips gentle.

“Maybe not that way, but I want your hands on me.” Dean’s voice was soft, his fingers still on Cas’s hair. “Make me feel better. You can kiss it away. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It matters to me.”

“Make it right.” Dean’s voice was firmer now, his fingers pulling tight again. “Touch me the way I deserve.”

“Yes, sir.” Cas said with a faint chuckle then turned back to the bruises, kissing them again and again, until the taste of Dean’s skin made him remember what he’d been doing. He let himself go back to pulling Dean apart with his lips. He kissed his way across Dean’s chest and resumed his assault on Dean’s nipples, this time with his lips. The first time he scraped his teeth across one, Dean’s hand pulled tight and cried out, “Cas!”, which made Cas smile and continue his ministrations. It took some time for him to forget the harm he’d done and the remorse he felt, but listening to Dean’s cries and whimpers wore it away until he was once again throbbing in his pants. Only then did he move on, letting his lips roam down Dean’s stomach until he was on his knees before the boy. He reached for the button of Dean’s jeans, pushed it through the hole and then ran down the zipper, parting the fabric so that the hard shape of Dean’s cock under his underwear was jutting out before him. A wet spot spread over the tip where he leaked precome. He looked up Dean’s body to find that the boy was staring down at him with wonder in his eyes.

That look was everything and Cas couldn’t resist sliding both pants and underwear down Dean’s body until they were around his thighs, exposing that hard treat to his eyes. He watched as another drop of precome welled up from his slit and he leaned forward to lick it off. Dean hissed his enjoyment, his eyes drooping down as Cas wrapped his lips around the head of Dean’s cock. He kept his eyes riveted to the boy as he began to suck, first around the head and then as he began to take more into his mouth. Once again, Dean’s fingers tangled in his hair as he sucked breath in. The younger man’s knees shook as Cas took him all the way down, until his nose was buried in the springy hair at the base of Dean’s cock. He let it go a moment later to give himself time to breath and Dean tugged at his head.

“Cas… you don’t gotta do that… we can just…” Dean kept trailing off, his chest heaving with heavy breaths.

“I want to.” Cas said, though he took the moment to nudge Dean into stepping out of his shoes so he could take his clothes the rest of the way off. Once Dean was naked before him, he stood up to guide the boy onto his bed. “Against the headboard.” He instructed as he went to fetch the lube from his bedside table.

Dean’s eyes were glued to him as he came back to the bed. “Are you going to take off your clothes?”

Cas looked down at himself, realizing that he was fully dressed. He chuckled but began to unbutton his shirt. “A little for now.” He shrugged off the shirt, then stepped out of his shoes and pulled off his socks. After a moment’s thought, he took off his jeans too and left them in the pile at the side of the bed. His cock was tenting his boxers, pointing straight to Dean before him. It begged for more, but he ignored it as he climbed onto the bed. Dean spread his legs and Cas crawled between them, then hunched down to wrap his lips around Dean’s cock again.

“Cas!” Dean’s head fell back against the headboard with a light thunk as he grabbed for Cas again. It seemed he liked to play with Cas’s hair. Cas liked that too.

He squirted the lube into his hand and began to warm it up with his skin while he sucked down that cock again, this time bobbing his head up and down its length a few times until the lube was warm. He coated his fingers and took it to Dean’s hole. The boy’s thighs twitched the second he touched the furled flesh there, but Cas soothed him by taking him deep down his throat again. Dean relaxed into the bed and Cas started his exploration of the most secret parts of Dean’s body. He plied the tight flesh, rubbing it in circles that slowly grew in pressure until he finally pushed inside. The heat of Dean’s body was everything he could have imagined and he wanted to be buried in it now, however, he reminded himself that this was the first time anyone had touched Dean this way. If he wasn’t good to him now, then Dean wouldn’t know how wonderful this could be. That cooled his body a little so he could focus on Dean.

He bobbed his head again, sucking down Dean’s cock again while he worked his finger deeper into Dean’s body, letting himself get lost in the rhythm of loosening the boy up. He kept up the suction of his mouth, knowing from previous lovers that he was very good at this – so much that it barely took him any thought at all. He concentrated on Dean’s hole, on working that single finger inside of it, reaching deep, brushing his prostate.

On the first touch there, Dean’s hands clenched in his hair and the boy bucked on the bed, sending his cock once more down Cas’s throat. His fingers were tight and he jerked as if trying to pull him off. “Cas…stop! I’m gonna…”

Hearing that, Cas did not stop. He purposefully let Dean’s cock out of his mouth only to suck it down once more and massaged his finger into his prostate until Dean came with a shout down his throat. Cas suckled him through it, letting up the pressure on his prostate until Dean had calmed down a little.

“Cas, I wanted to come with you.” Dean complained, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“You will.” Cas promised, withdrawing for a moment to slide up Dean’s body. The touch of skin against skin felt divine and he savored it as he took Dean’s arm away and looked down into bright green eyes. He pressed his mouth against Dean’s, sliding his tongue in between the boy’s lips. When he pulled back, he noticed that Dean’s eye had grown hazy again. “Do you taste yourself on me?” After a moment, the boy nodded. “Good.” He smiled, then started to draw away again. “You’ll be ready for round two by the time I have you open and ready.” He went back to work.

Playing with Dean was a treat. He was so responsive when Cas went from one finger to two. He made the most wonderful noises as Cas started to scissor him open, however, he was a little impatient, always begging Cas to go faster and to give him more. Cas didn’t give into those pleas and spent a long time with just two fingers inside him, enjoying working him open and teasing his prostate now and again. He only went on to three fingers when he deemed Dean ready, which was far longer than what the boy claimed was so. He wanted him to be more than ready, to be so open that when Cas pressed inside of him there would be no burn of pain. He kept that in the forefront of his mind as he added a third finger. Dean was arching his hips and grabbing for Cas again, but better yet, his cock was stirring as he started to get hard again. Oh, to be 18 and horny. Cas smiled as he kissed that hardening cock before turning his attention back to getting Dean ready.

By the time Cas was done with him, Dean was pleading with Cas. “You gotta… I need you so bad. Please Cas, I’m ready.”

Cas plunged his fingers back in, working them in and out for a few more pushes before he drew them out. “I think you are.” He agreed and then smiled when all the breath whooshed out of Dean.

“Finally!” The boy rolled his eyes.

“Mmm, don’t be cheeky.” Cas said as he picked up the lube again and spent a moment slicking up his cock. He moved between Dean’s thighs as he curved his hands down the boys sides, until he gripped him by the thighs. He directed Dean to wrap his legs around his waist. Once that was done, he gripped himself as he found Dean’s hole and began to press in. Dean sucked in a huge breath, his thighs tensing and Cas stopped immediately. “Are you okay?”

Dean smiled up at him, his eyes full of wonder and shining with emotion. “It’s incredible. Don’t stop.”

Cas nodded and left his eyes on Dean as he slowly pushed in, taking his time as he felt Dean’s tight heat enfold him. He knew that Dean had never done this before and he was blissfully tight, so much so that Cas felt he might be at risk of coming too soon. He bit his lip as he continued to press in, keeping the pressure constant until he was flush against Dean’s hips. Dean let out what sounded like a little sob and Cas searched his face, trying to find what was wrong. It must have shown on his face for Dean began to shake his head.

“I’m so close to you.” He reached up and touched Cas’s face, his fingers on his cheek. “I’ve dreamed of it for so long and it’s better than I’d ever imagined.”

In the face of that wonder, all Cas could do was kiss him. It was a tender kiss, pulling emotion from Cas’s heart as he gave it. It left him feeling bare until he couldn’t help but move inside Dean. His hips drew back and pressed forward, starting a gentle roll that made their bodies lap like waves on the shore. After a couple of thrusts Dean caught the rhythm and began to ride it, taking in everything Cas gave him with eagerness.

Deans arms were around his shoulders, holding him tight, and their bodies were so close that he could feel Dean’s cock rubbing on his stomach. He knew he needed to give Dean more, to touch him and stroke him but Dean wouldn’t give him the space to do that yet, so Cas let him have his way and kept up the gentle rhythm of their bodies. It was sweeter than anything he’d ever experienced in his life. He’d been with partners he’d thought he’d loved but it had never felt like this before. Dean gave so willingly, offering all of himself up to Cas that Cas had no real choice but to take what Dean was giving, to soak it up until he was full to spilling. That gentleness lasted for a long time as they held onto each other, trading kisses and breathing each other’s air. It lasted until Cas felt his body tightening and striving towards a peak he couldn’t deny. He separated them a little bit, ignoring Dean’s whine so he could get a hand between them. “Let me touch you.”

Dean still held on tight, his own body seeming to thrum beneath Cas’s and he gasped when Cas took his cock in hand. He stroked with the same gentle rhythm that the used, his fingers tight to pull the orgasm from Dean. The boy came on a heartfelt gasp, his eyes glued to Castiel’s face until they fell closed when tremors overtook Dean’s body. Feeling those tremors, the heat of Dean’s release on his skin, and the tight clench of his body when he came gave Castiel everything he needed to fall over the edge with him. He came deep inside of Dean, coating those tight walls with his seed. He collapsed down, falling into Dean’s waiting arms and they lay together and trembled under the magnitude of what they’d just done.

It was a long time before Cas tried to pry himself from Dean’s arms. In fact, it was only when Dean gave a startled mutter and tried to roll away. “Look at the time! I’ve got to get home.”

Cas stopped him with a forestalling hand. “Just text them that you are staying with me and Charlie. They won’t worry.”

Dean grinned at Cas and went to his pants to rescue his cell phone and sent the text. He came back to the bed holding the phone while Cas rescued his shirt from the floor and used it to clean both of them up. A second later the phone chimed and Dean read the message. “They said it’s fine. They’ll see me tomorrow.”

“Good.” Cas pulled down the bedspread and the sheet and nudged Dean to get in bed. Once the boy was ensconced there, he went to the light and turned it off. A moment later, he climbed into bed next to Dean. “I want you to stay.”

Dean rolled into his arms and kissed the tip of his chin. “Thanks, Cas.”

In the dark, Cas smiled. “Thank you, Dean.” He didn’t know where this would lead, but he had Dean’s faith that this would be everything. He planned to savor that as they slept. He rolled his body around Dean’s and tucked them under the covers so they could find sleep together.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is coming so late in the day. I've had a really bad week and I forgot it was posting day. Andy reminded me. That said, this has been given a cursory beta but not an in depth beta, so there may be errors. You have our apologies. We'll have time to fix it later in the week. Without further ado, here's the conclusion of our story. I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> ~Neal

Dean woke up with Cas curled at his back. The older man’s arms were around Dean and his hips were pressed snuggly against Dean’s butt. He could feel his growing erection pressing at the cleft in his ass and damn that felt good. He shifted in those arms, rocking his hips back to feel the slide of Cas’s cock but he also winced a little. Cas had prepared him well and he’d not really felt any pain last night but he was a little sore this morning. It didn’t stop him from doing that again.

Cas stirred and gave a yawn. Dean could feel his breath on the back of his neck. “Dean… what…”

“I think you have something for me.” Dean said, tossing a cheeky grin over his shoulder.

Cas chuckled but he rolled his hips away. “Mmm, I do, but I think we should give you a chance to rest. Even as gentle as we were, I’m sure you are feeling it this morning.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m ready for you. Anytime.” Dean rolled after Cas, managing to get his hand around the older man’s cock. “We don’t have to use my ass. I’m happy with a good old fashioned handjob too.”

“You make good sense.” Cas leaned over and captured Dean’s lips, his hand wrapping around Dean’s cock.

“Perfect.” Dean whimpered as he thrust into Cas’s hand. “You’re perfect.”

***

One good old-fashioned hand job later, Dean emerged with Cas from the bedroom in search of coffee and breakfast. He was wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and so was Cas. He felt right at home and went straight into the kitchen. He was a little surprised to find Charlie there.

She looked up at the pair of them and smiled brightly. “You worked it out!” She hopped from her chair and wrapped her arms around Dean, pulling him in for a tight hug.

“We did… I think.”

Behind him, Cas squeezed his shoulder and passed them to head towards the coffee pot. “We did work things out, Charlie.”

“I’m so happy.” She let Dean go and stepped away, her nose crinkling. “I love you both very much and I am happy for you but you smell like gross man-sex.”

“Sorry.” Dean laughed around the word.

“Whatever, you just better shower before you go home.”

“I promise, I will.” Dean went over to where Cas was pouring coffee and got himself a mug to hold out. He was pleased when the older man filled it up. “I figured I’d go home in a little while and talk with Bobby and Ellen.”

Beside him, Cas tensed. “Do you… do you think I should be there?”

“Nah.” Dean said, rubbing Cas’s shoulder with his free hand. “I think I should talk to them first. Then maybe you should come to dinner tonight. Give em time to think about it, just not too much time.”

Cas brought his coffee mug to his lips and sipped the dark liquid, though his eyes were on Dean. “If you think that’s best.”

“It’s going to be fine.” Charlie promised from across the kitchen. “You’ll see. And I’ll come to dinner with you, for support.”

Cas’s shoulders relaxed. “Okay, I trust you both.”

***

When Dean made it home, Sam and Jo were in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast. “Did you have fun with Charlie and Cas last night?” Sam asked him with a knowing grin.

Dean was caught a bit off guard by Sam’s question. “Yeah, it was fine. Where are Bobby and Ellen?”

“Upstairs,” Jo answered. “They’ve been up there for a while. They didn’t even really eat breakfast. Just put it on the table, told us to eat and clean up, then went upstairs. Said to send you up there if you ever came home.”

“Oh, ok, um, thanks.” Dean stammered, suddenly afraid of what his parents knew and what they would think.

Dean slowly climbed the stairs, but it only took a minute before he was in front of his parents’ bedroom door. He took a deep breath and knocked.

“Come in,” Ellen’s voice said from the other side.

He opened the door, barely walked through it and closed it behind him. Looking down at his feet he said, “Um, hi.”

“Get over here, boy,” Ellen said from the other side of the room, where she was perched on the end of the bed. Bobby was on the arm chair in the corner.

Dean shuffled over to Ellen and she pulled him down so he was sitting next to her. “I guess you and Cas finally worked things out?”

Dean felt the blush start in his chest and work its way up to the tips of his ears. “Yeah,” he said with hardly any voice.

“’Bout damn time,” Bobby grumped from his seat. “But if you hurt that boy, I’m gonna kick your ass. He’s been through enough.”

Dean turned shocked green eyes to his dad. Ellen chuckled. “Don’t worry, hon. I’m gonna kick his ass if he hurts you. We got this covered.” She assured.

Dean couldn’t help but chuckle along, albeit a bit dryly. “So I guess this means you guys are ok with this…this whole me and Cas thing?”

“Of course we are,” Ellen said as she wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “We love both of you and just want both of you to be happy. And if it’s with each other, even better. I don’t have to worry about learning anyone else’s favorite meals!”

“Ellen!” Dean griped but he leaned to the side to bump her shoulder in an affectionate way and she reciprocated by running her fingers through his hair. “Look, when you talk to him, can you do it without threatening to kick his ass? It’s just, Cas lost his family once and he didn’t want to be with me, even though he wanted to, because he was afraid of losing us if things went bad.”

“Good to see he’s still an idjit like you.” Bobby snorted from his chair. “As if we’d ever do that.”

“Hey now!” Dean protested. “I knew you wouldn’t do that. It was Cas who was afraid. We talked about it and I promised that would never happen. Kinda don’t think we’ll break up at all, you know. I’ve only been in love with him forever.”

Ellen kept stroking her fingers through his hair. “We’ll go easy on him. His life hasn’t been easy.”

“Good.” Dean sat and thought about it for a moment before he went on a little hesitantly. “Um, how did you know things weren’t well between us?”

Bobby snorted. “You’ve only been in love with him for forever and then he stopped coming to family dinner. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together.”

“And you still let me stay with him last night?”

“You both needed to work this out.” Ellen said on a sigh. “You’ve been miserable this week. We knew that whatever happened had to be bad. I was worried about both of you.”

“I don’t know about continued overnights though.” Bobby groused.

“Bobby…” Dean began.

“Later, you idjit. Charlie says she and Cas are coming over for dinner and you didn’t do your homework last night.”

Dean heaved himself off of the bed, even though it meant that Ellen stopped petting his hair. He didn’t get all emotional about it but it was small gestures like that which made it clear she was his mom, blood be damned. “Okay, I’ll go to it.”

Dean headed to his room and found his backpack and pulled out his book. He was just getting into the first assignment when he heard a knock at the door. “Yeah?”

The door swung open and Sam was there.

“Hey Dean.” Sam said as he hovered in the doorway.

“You may as well come in.”

Sam walked right in and closed the door behind him before making a beeline for Dean’s bed. Dean turned his desk chair around so that he was facing his brother. Sam sat there quietly for several moments before Dean gestured at him to speak.

“So, I guess you and Cas worked things out?”

Dean smiled at him real big. “Yeah, we did.”

“Ok, good. That’s really great, Dean. I’m so glad to see you happy again. Just…be careful ok?”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “What do you mean be careful? Of course we’re being careful. Cas was very gentle with me…”

Sam slammed his hands over his ears and yelled, “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!”

Dean chuckled at him. “Oh. Oops.”

“I meant, be careful with your heart. I know how much you love Cas. But are you sure he feels the same way about you? He hurt you so badly. You were so miserable. I just…I don’t want to see you hurt like that again, Dean.” Dean started to speak up, but Sam cut him off. “No, it’s not that I don’t trust Cas. I love him, like a big brother, and I don’t think he ever intentionally meant to hurt you. But if he doesn’t feel the same way about you, you could get even more hurt than before. So, just be careful, ok?”

Dean thought about what his brother said. He sat there quietly mulling it over. Did Cas feel the same way he did? He knew Cas was into him too, but was it love? The kind of life changing love that Dean was feeling? Dean nodded to himself. He was sure. “I’ll try to be careful, Sam. But Cas does feel the same way about me. I’m sure.”

***

The hours after Dean left, when he presumably went home to tell his family about the two of them were nerve wracking. Cas tried to distract himself by working on a project he hadn’t finished on Friday, however, he couldn’t focus on it. Next he tried to watch something on Netflix in his room, however, sitting on the bed made him think about last night and having Dean in it. (He could still smell the remnants of what they’d done there both last night and this morning. It was time to wash his sheets.) So, he moved on to the living room, which he thought would be less charged. He was wrong. Just looking at the chair reminded him of having Dean in his lap sitting in it. As a result he spent the rest of the afternoon switching between the extremes of being worried about Dean talking to his family and being on the edge of getting hard all the time.

Charlie noticed his discomfort. “It’s going to be alright.”

Cas looked up at her from the video game he was currently losing. “How can you be so sure?”

“They’re my family. I know that it’s going to be a non-issue. If you spent half a second really thinking and not just reacting, you’d know it too.”

Point to Charlie. Cas turned back to his controller as Charlie sat down next to him and joined the game. “If I lost another family…”

“You won’t.” She sounded so sure as she dutifully slaughtered his avatar.

“Okay.” He knew that the Singers were good people. Hell, they were the best people and while that was why he was so scared, he also knew Charlie was right. They’d never throw him out. Feeling a little comforted, he turned his attention to the game and trying to give Charlie as good as she gave him. She still won.

Hours later, they were standing on the porch of the Singer household. He could hear Jo’s voice through the door, announcing that they had arrived. Charlie threw the door open and he followed her in. The second he was through the door, Jo slammed into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Hello, stranger!”

Cas couldn’t help but grin at her. “Hello, Jo. How have you been?”

“Good. Glad that you are here. Can you help me with this math project we have to do over the weekend?”

“Jo!” Ellen barked from the door of the kitchen. “This is the first time we’ve seen Cas in months. Don’t go putting him to work.” She winked at him. “That’s my job.” She opened her arms to Cas and he stepped up into them. She hugged him tight. “We missed you.”

“Thanks, Ellen. I missed you too.” Suddenly he was getting misty eyed and that wouldn’t do.

“It’s okay. I understand why but maybe not again, okay?” Her expression was firm when she admonished him.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Please, you know it’s just Ellen.” She turned off into the kitchen. “Come make yourself useful. Table needs set.”

That’s what Cas loved most about the Singer family. She could have demanded explanations and made him feel guilty for his defection but that didn’t happen. He was accepted back without too much complaint and put to work like the family member he was.

Bobby was at the stove, stealing a piece of whatever Ellen had cooking. She smacked the back of his hand. “Go on with you.”

“It’s delicious!” The old man grunted as he stepped away from the stove. “How’ve you been, Cas?”

“Good.” Cas had tensed when Bobby had addressed him, because the older man was who he was most worried about but things seemed fine. “We’ve had a lot of work recently. More than enough to keep us busy.”

“Charlie said. She also said your younger sister has been making you worry.”

“Yeah. Claire is in a bisexual, polygamous relationship and still living at home. I remember what it was like when my parents found out about me and I don’t want that for her. I don’t think she’s being careful enough.”

Bobby nodded sagely. “Always room for one more if it comes to that.”

Suddenly Cas was blinking away tears. The kindness to him he understood, he’d been underfoot in this household for 8 years now. The kindness towards Claire, who they didn’t know, humbled him. “Thank you.” He all but stammered out.

Bobby laid a hand on his shoulder. “‘Course. That’s what family’s for.”

At a loss for words, Cas just nodded.

“Cas!” Suddenly arms slipped around his waist and pulled him back. He knew by the voice that it was Dean and for a moment, he marveled at how solid Dean was behind him; as if the boy had known he’d needed that hug. “Jo didn’t tell me you were here.”

Cas turned to face Dean. “I’ve not been here long, just had time to set the table.”

“And you’re not done yet. We need the salad bowls.” Ellen gently reminded him.

“I’ll get ‘em.” Dean said, moving lightly to the cabinet.

It was so normal. It was like he’d never left at all and that reassured him and left him feeling a little foolish. There was nothing to worry about. There never had been. It had all been in his head. It didn’t stop him from being amazed as Dean handed him the salad bowls.”

“Why do we have to have salad?” The younger man whined.

“Because it’s good for you. Stop complaining.” Ellen patted his cheek and went back to the stove. She tested what was cooking and then gave a shout. “Dinner time! Come on!”

The sound of Sam and Jo joining them created a ruckus because they started shoving each other to get in the door.

“Give over, Jo!”

“Not on your life, Sam!”

“Children.” Dean snorted, which earned him a pair of glares. Unfortunately, it also earned him the focus of two younger siblings, who put aside their differences in a second and rounded on Dean in an attack. The next thing anyone knew, the boy was being tickled within an inch of his life. “Stop! Stop!” He gasped.

Cas was chuckling when Charlie came up behind him and clapped a hand over his shoulder. “Okay?”

“Couldn’t be better.” He affirmed and went to take his place at the table.


End file.
